Im Pregnant , mixed emotions!!

Im 15 , im having a baby , there is a lil tiny baby growing inside of me, the first person i told was my autie she has been so good to me its actually unbelivable ! my mum dusnt no yet , just a few close friends , ive known for about a week or so , its been running around in my head wondering weather to keep it , the dad wants me to keep it , but im having dounts but right now i am going to keep it and im due for my first scan errm thinks its a week on thrusdat not to sure may b 2 weeks hehe.

i asked myself do i want a baby with some one i am not in love with , but its a baby a new life a lil me :D he said he would take care of me , and wouldnt leave me on my own , he said when im old enough we could get a house etc , but its like hes putting all theese ideas in my head ,like everythins is going to be ok , i no deep down in my heart things wont be alright!


i have feelins for this one person which i want and need them to go and die , i cant keep theese feelins and look at the situation and wish this baby was his can i , no thats y i need to let go and i have told him soo i dnoo lol he hasnt sed anyfin !


i no im soo frikin young and i no this is the worst year for me , but at the end of the day its happend . and i will live with the consequences , which will be a lil baby child



I justr need to find a way to break the news to the rest of my familyy , they cant do much , its my baby , im being quite level headed about the situation!


2 day is the 22 of oct all of the aboe was wrote on the 9 th , i was at the doctors on friday mornin and i was sat in the waiting room scared and the daddy walked in and sat down , held me hand and told me everyfin will be ok , i walked into the room where the doctor was and she asked me if i had made a decision yet i said no , i lay on the bed and she put sum jelly on my tummy hehe and she told me to look at the screen , and there my baby was inside of me , i could see it , it was amamzing , i cried and asked myself culd i really kill my own child , my own beautiful baby , so now its just the 2 off us , the first time i saw it on the screen i new id meet death but i let it meat harm, but killing it , that wud b harming it , neva nowin what colur hair it had , what it smile wud b like , waether or not we would have the same laugh same smile , i sat there in a world of my own for a few minutes , wondering what to do , a week this thurday im going back , she said she think i will need cousilling if i were to have an abortion , she explaine to me how hard it would be to bring up a child on my own and i no how hard it wud b , my dreams wud be over before they have even begun, when i next go back , and i think i wil except , she will give me a pill which will make me miss carry , in two days , ive got my friends around me right now to help me they all , wel the ones hu no , hows my lil nephew doing , and put theere hed against my tummy hehe , one of my mates wanted to go and by clothes that when i told her i may not b kepping it and she cried and sed but jorja not a day goes by when u dont talk about havin a baby , i say i no but this is differnt im actully pregnant right now !!!!! well probs the next time i right on this is will be just me again , not me and the lil one , i will have to face its dad when this is all over and done with i wil have to face him probs giveing me a black eye , i no this is selfish but i need my lyf , i need it to find out what kind of person i am , in time i will be ready to have a baby with the perfect one for me and we would all be a family , witha nice house , money , and right now all i have it £250 quid , that wudnt even last me a month neva mind me and a lil one ...

i feel im doin the right thing , god help me and give me the strenghth to get throught this hurt full , confussing pain fulll time

i love my baby , even tho i have neva met it , i love it right now more than lyf its self
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