I Really Am Very Much So In Love ...

Im in love , i never thought i would feel the way i used to again but hes amamzing beyond belive , hes everyfin i want , everyfin i need , my cheeks hurt because he makes me smile so much , weve have such a gd time , we talk about weird things its funny, thing people dont normally talk about ,

althought my hard is still crippled from the last heart break and the pain he caused me , i closed all doors to lad who wanted to no me , i said no , but now u no when u feel something is so right , you no you have so much in common , you share the same dreams , and how they could love you like no other , i have this feeling when eva i see him i get a funny feling , i start to go dizzy hehe , and my friends are like jorja i dont want you to get heartbroken again , is it not to sooon , wel its been 3- 4 months since me and adam finshed and i dont feel for him anymore , but im in love again , i dont care what they say even tho they try and pull me away , i will give this one a try , i will treat him better than i treated adam because ovb the way i treated him just wasnt enough , if i could give him the world then i will , because my heart is his now , i love him x x

Im Pregnant , mixed emotions!!

Im 15 , im having a baby , there is a lil tiny baby growing inside of me, the first person i told was my autie she has been so good to me its actually unbelivable ! my mum dusnt no yet , just a few close friends , ive known for about a week or so , its been running around in my head wondering weather to keep it , the dad wants me to keep it , but im having dounts but right now i am going to keep it and im due for my first scan errm thinks its a week on thrusdat not to sure may b 2 weeks hehe.

i asked myself do i want a baby with some one i am not in love with , but its a baby a new life a lil me :D he said he would take care of me , and wouldnt leave me on my own , he said when im old enough we could get a house etc , but its like hes putting all theese ideas in my head ,like everythins is going to be ok , i no deep down in my heart things wont be alright!


i have feelins for this one person which i want and need them to go and die , i cant keep theese feelins and look at the situation and wish this baby was his can i , no thats y i need to let go and i have told him soo i dnoo lol he hasnt sed anyfin !


i no im soo frikin young and i no this is the worst year for me , but at the end of the day its happend . and i will live with the consequences , which will be a lil baby child



I justr need to find a way to break the news to the rest of my familyy , they cant do much , its my baby , im being quite level headed about the situation!


2 day is the 22 of oct all of the aboe was wrote on the 9 th , i was at the doctors on friday mornin and i was sat in the waiting room scared and the daddy walked in and sat down , held me hand and told me everyfin will be ok , i walked into the room where the doctor was and she asked me if i had made a decision yet i said no , i lay on the bed and she put sum jelly on my tummy hehe and she told me to look at the screen , and there my baby was inside of me , i could see it , it was amamzing , i cried and asked myself culd i really kill my own child , my own beautiful baby , so now its just the 2 off us , the first time i saw it on the screen i new id meet death but i let it meat harm, but killing it , that wud b harming it , neva nowin what colur hair it had , what it smile wud b like , waether or not we would have the same laugh same smile , i sat there in a world of my own for a few minutes , wondering what to do , a week this thurday im going back , she said she think i will need cousilling if i were to have an abortion , she explaine to me how hard it would be to bring up a child on my own and i no how hard it wud b , my dreams wud be over before they have even begun, when i next go back , and i think i wil except , she will give me a pill which will make me miss carry , in two days , ive got my friends around me right now to help me they all , wel the ones hu no , hows my lil nephew doing , and put theere hed against my tummy hehe , one of my mates wanted to go and by clothes that when i told her i may not b kepping it and she cried and sed but jorja not a day goes by when u dont talk about havin a baby , i say i no but this is differnt im actully pregnant right now !!!!! well probs the next time i right on this is will be just me again , not me and the lil one , i will have to face its dad when this is all over and done with i wil have to face him probs giveing me a black eye , i no this is selfish but i need my lyf , i need it to find out what kind of person i am , in time i will be ready to have a baby with the perfect one for me and we would all be a family , witha nice house , money , and right now all i have it £250 quid , that wudnt even last me a month neva mind me and a lil one ...

i feel im doin the right thing , god help me and give me the strenghth to get throught this hurt full , confussing pain fulll time

i love my baby , even tho i have neva met it , i love it right now more than lyf its self
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Im so unhappy , im so miserbale i really can not see my self ever feelling happyness agen ,
i feel so sorry for my dad but he had brought it on himself ! he chose the single life and wanted to life that way so yano people tell me i shouldnt feel sorry for him , i no this sounds a we bit silly , but no matter how much sum one hurts me , i can not bring my self to hurt them bak , i hate , hate , hate hurtin people with a passion sso i make sure i dont . i miss him soo much , soo much , i wish he cud see hw much i am hurtin al the damage he has caused and hw he has chnaged my life for the worst but he dusnt no and cant see , maybe because he dosnt want to see but i wish with all my heart he cud see me , the me which is yurnin for a dad to be there for me to tell me life will b ok , to tell me that boys will cum and go they will hurt me , hug me , love me etc but he will neva let go of me , but he wont he wil neva b able to say those words to me! i dream on a another him one hu wud neva , leave me alone to pick up the peices :( i carry the wait of the world on my shoulder

WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO :(


DAUGHTER TO FARTHER :(

I MISS YOU SOO FRIIKIN MUCHH DADDDDY

DAADDY TO HOLE ME THATS WHT I NEEDED


I DONT NO U , BUT I STILL WANT TO .



i sat up last night cryin and i dont no y the hell i was , my life is a complete and utter mess ,



i will finshh later have sum things to say bwt adam the ex :(







x

OMG I AM ACTUALLY GNA B PUT ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS GRR :@

You no what yeah this is not normal in a girl of my age

why the hel am i so fukin unhappy , this year i have just been so down , ill , depreesed , everything n people who have only knowin me for this year i bewt they think i am a right arshole grumpy hole , but this year i have just bin a whole new person n tbh i dont think any one hu new the ins and outs of what i have bin through wud blame me at all,



finsihh 2 mos , im shatterd (N)