I NEED TO BE HAPPY !

Wel this blog will no longer be about boys or my problems , but gonna be how my life is and all the things i have 2 face on the way ! but no one reads this , my own line diary wooho lol better than wriiting it on paper!

How im feeling!

im feeling happy in a way , but also very sad i just spoke 2 that boy well i had an argument with him , then it calmed down, i made a big mistake being with him, from the begging i had my doubts about the age , and i didnt sleep some nights because i worried about it that much! but i sort off got over it and his age never seamed to be a problem anymore , the age was the biggest problem we had at the time! wel were over and im living my life still , i meaan this from the bootoom of my broken heart that i hope to god some way some how he gets 2 b the happiest man around , i would pay a hell of a load of money for him 2 b happy! i hope to god no body takes him for a ride and fuks him over , i hope he is treated amamzingly!

my heart is on its way to being mended wohoo by the help of another lad , when i say that it sounds like i am jumping frm one lad to another but im not , hes so genuine , he swore 2 me he would never hurt me and never cheat me on me but so did the last one but sum thing tells me he is being genuine ,hes a good lad ! ive known him for properly for a few months maybe , but he was at a party that i was at but i never new he was there lol but appratly he knew hu i was , the loud , funny , one he called me lol greatt thats how people no me the loud one lol ! but now hes like i think im faling for u abnd im like in my heart isnt it a bit soon , he tells me all the things he likes about me and im like oooooooh jeeess louise , hes tells me im wkd lol but im not lol!

im not going to let myself get to attached right now , im just going to see where it takes me , and hes not the kind of lad that just dosnt want sex !

But theres this lad at skwl 2 , hes always i dnoo lol messing about wiv me , and he always sits next 2 me n we chat alot bwt music and that , its not that hes giving me the signs hmmmmmm but everyone thinks we like each other , yeah i like him as a friend! but hes fit , soo i doubt he likes me hehe ooh welll lol

Home life !

it gets worse by the day but i try and hide the fact that i am confused beyond belive , im sad because its nearly a year since he left, im sad because this is how its all turning out , im sad because my family will never be the same , im sad because i have 2 pak n leave , everything aboiut it is making me miserable, but i try my hardest to stay strong for my family, my sister is back at work now after her carrer break and my lil brothers are back at schoool and so are me and benita so shes home alone all day , so i call her at break and lunch to see if shes alright ! cos thats all i can really do with being at skwl and what not!

my time at home will get harder and i no it will , i no there will b more fights and arguments between my dad and my mum and i no i wil have 2 move house and leave every thing i have ever really known and move sum where new !

my life will never be the same , but it has to go on and i have 2 b grown up about it all. i have 2 smile when i dont feel like smilling , i have to loook after my family while i have other things on my mind , right now i try to put barriers up and have skwl and home, but its hard when my mum depends on me so much

she callls me her lil soldier hahah do i look like a boy hahahah, she sed i appear frm no where when she needs me the most, i am her daughter and would die for her i would die dor any onein my familly !


i think abiut love to much , i live my life around love , when i dont need to!


throught out alll of this pain i am felling right now not includind the hospitall side of thing which i try and block out of my head cos my dreams could sooon before if things go rong ! but i will make it through i hope to god , il say a few prayers but if and when i do get throught it


GOD , I HOPE HE GIVES ME THE STRENTH TO FIGHT BACK !