Just when i thought it was going so well i had gotton over adam and was startin a fresh, i love talking to him cos in my eyes yeah we have a laugh and i enjoy it, but then i saw him it wasnt even for long like 20 mins when he gave me a ride one day after a night out, and it hit me how much i had missed him and that smile of his wel its enough to turn ur heart upside down, i gave it a thought for a few days and we talked more and more i think he enjoyed the company talkin 2 me maybe im not sure, over the time i was talking 2 him and all those feelings came flooding back , i was dreaming about him and when i was talking 2 him i was wishin he would pik up the fone just so i could hear his voice for a lil while.
Time went bi and i told him i miss him . which i did so much. He was my world he really was and ive never loved anyone the way i loved him i apsolutly adored him i looked up 2 him, and he was the special person that was in my life.
One night he had , had a few drinks and was fallin aslepp , and as i was puttin the fone dowm 2 day goodbye he said I LOVE YOU, i could not sleep that night thinking omg that wasnt for me and all that and so i asked him and it wasnt and he couldnt member saying it but when he sed it my heart it stopped and i thinki had to gasp for air , sounds silly but it scared me .
well just a few days ago i called ben , adam , and it wasnt the first time =(
This is when i knew something was rong and i had to think bout what was going on in my head. i came to realise that i had never stopped loving adam and that even tho he hurt me beyond belive and that the heart break always hurts i stil loved him .
Most girls affter a load had done somthing like that 2 them they would have been like ooh f off n all that but not me , i sat talkin 2 him the nights his i dno what to call her ill cal her his gf for now , was tretin him like shit, i sat there listing to him tellin me how much he loved her, that caved me in , that seriously fuked me up , i was the one who got fucked off when he was with her =( i was the one who had been cheated on , who had been pregnant and been fuked off by him , i was the one who was living in hell a place i called home, i was the one who was there for him , i gave him advice not that he eva toook , i was there for him and always wil be.
now i told him howi felt and well didnt go down 2 well , i no i shudnt have sed anything 2 him but wel i cudnt help it , i no he is goin through alot with abbie and what not and i no he loves no one but her still , i no we wil nevr be ever agen , yeahh i no all that , i no people judge me for talkin 2 him textin him but i am who i am at the end of the day and if i choose to do that then i shud shudnt i ?
Just feels like i have runined everything ,i sed to him maybe we shud leave It a few days and just not talk for a bit whiile i sort my head out and all that and try and get rid of theese felling i have or him , and yet agen im sure i can do it.
Thats all for now id say , exams are going alright ,feels like ive constantly got my head stook in a book revising... well after theese exams is gna b about me mayb dno yet and it xmas aswell =(
This year as been the worst year of my life, i hope next year 2 to be a happier one.
Tuesday, 27 November 2007
Monday, 26 November 2007
My Idea Of A True Boyfriend , Wish I Got Treated Like This;;
a true boyfriend:
when she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]
When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]
When she start's cursing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]
When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]
When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]
When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared
[ Protect her ]
When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steal's your favorite hat or sweater
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]
When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]
When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart
[ *the pain never really goes away*]
When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
when she walks away from you mad
[ Follow her ]
When she stare's at your mouth
[ Kiss her ]
When she pushes you or hit's you
[ Grab her and dont let go ]
When she start's cursing at you
[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]
When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]
When she ignore's you
[ Give her your attention ]
When she pull's away
[ Pull her back ]
When you see her at her worst
[ Tell her she's beautiful ]
When you see her start crying
[Just hold her and dont say a word ]
When you see her walking
[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]
When she's scared
[ Protect her ]
When she lay's her head on your shoulder
[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]
When she steal's your favorite hat or sweater
[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]
When she tease's you
[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]
When she doesnt answer for a long time
[ reassure her that everything is okay ]
When she look's at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]
When she say's that she like's you
[ she really does more than you could understand ]
When she grab's at your hands
[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]
When she bump's into you
[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]
When she tell's you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]
When she looks at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until she does ]
When she misses you
[ she's hurting inside ]
When you break her heart
[ *the pain never really goes away*]
When she says its over
[ she still wants you to be hers ]
When she repost this bulletin
[ she wants you to read it ]
- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.
- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go
- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her
- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you
- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her
- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up
- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.
- Tease her and let her tease you back.
- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.
- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.
- Give her the world.
- Let her wear your clothes.
- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.
- Let her know she's important.
- Kiss her in the pouring rain.
- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"
Sunday, 11 November 2007
HAHAH I TRIED 2 BE CLEVER (y)
Heres another pic he scanned for me and sent me and i took it , cos hes like sum big time photograhier guy ,wel he likes to think that haha ,jokin , hes stuying it now in col , cos hes like 1 year older than me anyway , i took it cos he showed me how to try and get bla bla bla , sum technicle words anyhu , this is a crappy pic i took but it makes me smile cos we had so much fun , wooohhooooo
first Love (*)
Im sooooo happpy , this lad i met on holiday in spain like 2 and half years ago , has found me , woohoo , through bebo , and he sent me a picture of us , hes the art farty kinda guy , dead in to his photograpy and all that and he scanned this picture for me and told me that he really did love me , in those 2 weeks he fel but then we lost touch when his mum and dad finshed i dont no what happned really his name was barney bless him and we were god about 13..14 maybe he was huge tho , as in taller , for his age , anyway i call this picture FIRST LOVE because he was my first love and its such a shame we lost conntact , ive never forgotton him though , :D X
Sunday, 4 November 2007
wel tomorrow is the big day :(
Tommooorrow well i take the pill and the lil thing inside me dies
i will misscary on wednesday :( im soo scared the amount of pain i am gonaa be in is gna be immencee
my auntie told my mum shes takin me 2 cardiff to see my cousin in uni
but im goin 2 the hopsital to get it all sorted
then it wil be all over
:(
im not gna talk about it with anyone after its all done , and if any one mentions it ill just have to change the convo cos i no ill break down cryin
next time i right on this ill b all alone again
i never felt alone for the past few weeks because i wasnt on my own , i had my baby with me
ive gt a really strong feelin it would have been a boy !!!!!
wel me and my baby are saying goodbye i no this sounds soo stupid but to night will kinda be my last night with it inside me and i no its not properly grown into a baby yet , buts its my baby and im just gna have 2 tel it how sorry i am , i no ..thinkin im a a crazy lady talkin 2 my tummy , but its the only way i feel , even tho it cant hear me , its weird , its just somethin i have to do yano
x
i will misscary on wednesday :( im soo scared the amount of pain i am gonaa be in is gna be immencee
my auntie told my mum shes takin me 2 cardiff to see my cousin in uni
but im goin 2 the hopsital to get it all sorted
then it wil be all over
:(
im not gna talk about it with anyone after its all done , and if any one mentions it ill just have to change the convo cos i no ill break down cryin
next time i right on this ill b all alone again
i never felt alone for the past few weeks because i wasnt on my own , i had my baby with me
ive gt a really strong feelin it would have been a boy !!!!!
wel me and my baby are saying goodbye i no this sounds soo stupid but to night will kinda be my last night with it inside me and i no its not properly grown into a baby yet , buts its my baby and im just gna have 2 tel it how sorry i am , i no ..thinkin im a a crazy lady talkin 2 my tummy , but its the only way i feel , even tho it cant hear me , its weird , its just somethin i have to do yano
x
Monday, 22 October 2007
I Really Am Very Much So In Love ...
Im in love , i never thought i would feel the way i used to again but hes amamzing beyond belive , hes everyfin i want , everyfin i need , my cheeks hurt because he makes me smile so much , weve have such a gd time , we talk about weird things its funny, thing people dont normally talk about ,
althought my hard is still crippled from the last heart break and the pain he caused me , i closed all doors to lad who wanted to no me , i said no , but now u no when u feel something is so right , you no you have so much in common , you share the same dreams , and how they could love you like no other , i have this feeling when eva i see him i get a funny feling , i start to go dizzy hehe , and my friends are like jorja i dont want you to get heartbroken again , is it not to sooon , wel its been 3- 4 months since me and adam finshed and i dont feel for him anymore , but im in love again , i dont care what they say even tho they try and pull me away , i will give this one a try , i will treat him better than i treated adam because ovb the way i treated him just wasnt enough , if i could give him the world then i will , because my heart is his now , i love him x x
althought my hard is still crippled from the last heart break and the pain he caused me , i closed all doors to lad who wanted to no me , i said no , but now u no when u feel something is so right , you no you have so much in common , you share the same dreams , and how they could love you like no other , i have this feeling when eva i see him i get a funny feling , i start to go dizzy hehe , and my friends are like jorja i dont want you to get heartbroken again , is it not to sooon , wel its been 3- 4 months since me and adam finshed and i dont feel for him anymore , but im in love again , i dont care what they say even tho they try and pull me away , i will give this one a try , i will treat him better than i treated adam because ovb the way i treated him just wasnt enough , if i could give him the world then i will , because my heart is his now , i love him x x
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
Im Pregnant , mixed emotions!!
Im 15 , im having a baby , there is a lil tiny baby growing inside of me, the first person i told was my autie she has been so good to me its actually unbelivable ! my mum dusnt no yet , just a few close friends , ive known for about a week or so , its been running around in my head wondering weather to keep it , the dad wants me to keep it , but im having dounts but right now i am going to keep it and im due for my first scan errm thinks its a week on thrusdat not to sure may b 2 weeks hehe.
i asked myself do i want a baby with some one i am not in love with , but its a baby a new life a lil me :D he said he would take care of me , and wouldnt leave me on my own , he said when im old enough we could get a house etc , but its like hes putting all theese ideas in my head ,like everythins is going to be ok , i no deep down in my heart things wont be alright!
i have feelins for this one person which i want and need them to go and die , i cant keep theese feelins and look at the situation and wish this baby was his can i , no thats y i need to let go and i have told him soo i dnoo lol he hasnt sed anyfin !
i no im soo frikin young and i no this is the worst year for me , but at the end of the day its happend . and i will live with the consequences , which will be a lil baby child
I justr need to find a way to break the news to the rest of my familyy , they cant do much , its my baby , im being quite level headed about the situation!
2 day is the 22 of oct all of the aboe was wrote on the 9 th , i was at the doctors on friday mornin and i was sat in the waiting room scared and the daddy walked in and sat down , held me hand and told me everyfin will be ok , i walked into the room where the doctor was and she asked me if i had made a decision yet i said no , i lay on the bed and she put sum jelly on my tummy hehe and she told me to look at the screen , and there my baby was inside of me , i could see it , it was amamzing , i cried and asked myself culd i really kill my own child , my own beautiful baby , so now its just the 2 off us , the first time i saw it on the screen i new id meet death but i let it meat harm, but killing it , that wud b harming it , neva nowin what colur hair it had , what it smile wud b like , waether or not we would have the same laugh same smile , i sat there in a world of my own for a few minutes , wondering what to do , a week this thurday im going back , she said she think i will need cousilling if i were to have an abortion , she explaine to me how hard it would be to bring up a child on my own and i no how hard it wud b , my dreams wud be over before they have even begun, when i next go back , and i think i wil except , she will give me a pill which will make me miss carry , in two days , ive got my friends around me right now to help me they all , wel the ones hu no , hows my lil nephew doing , and put theere hed against my tummy hehe , one of my mates wanted to go and by clothes that when i told her i may not b kepping it and she cried and sed but jorja not a day goes by when u dont talk about havin a baby , i say i no but this is differnt im actully pregnant right now !!!!! well probs the next time i right on this is will be just me again , not me and the lil one , i will have to face its dad when this is all over and done with i wil have to face him probs giveing me a black eye , i no this is selfish but i need my lyf , i need it to find out what kind of person i am , in time i will be ready to have a baby with the perfect one for me and we would all be a family , witha nice house , money , and right now all i have it £250 quid , that wudnt even last me a month neva mind me and a lil one ...
i feel im doin the right thing , god help me and give me the strenghth to get throught this hurt full , confussing pain fulll time
i love my baby , even tho i have neva met it , i love it right now more than lyf its self
x
x
x
i asked myself do i want a baby with some one i am not in love with , but its a baby a new life a lil me :D he said he would take care of me , and wouldnt leave me on my own , he said when im old enough we could get a house etc , but its like hes putting all theese ideas in my head ,like everythins is going to be ok , i no deep down in my heart things wont be alright!
i have feelins for this one person which i want and need them to go and die , i cant keep theese feelins and look at the situation and wish this baby was his can i , no thats y i need to let go and i have told him soo i dnoo lol he hasnt sed anyfin !
i no im soo frikin young and i no this is the worst year for me , but at the end of the day its happend . and i will live with the consequences , which will be a lil baby child
I justr need to find a way to break the news to the rest of my familyy , they cant do much , its my baby , im being quite level headed about the situation!
2 day is the 22 of oct all of the aboe was wrote on the 9 th , i was at the doctors on friday mornin and i was sat in the waiting room scared and the daddy walked in and sat down , held me hand and told me everyfin will be ok , i walked into the room where the doctor was and she asked me if i had made a decision yet i said no , i lay on the bed and she put sum jelly on my tummy hehe and she told me to look at the screen , and there my baby was inside of me , i could see it , it was amamzing , i cried and asked myself culd i really kill my own child , my own beautiful baby , so now its just the 2 off us , the first time i saw it on the screen i new id meet death but i let it meat harm, but killing it , that wud b harming it , neva nowin what colur hair it had , what it smile wud b like , waether or not we would have the same laugh same smile , i sat there in a world of my own for a few minutes , wondering what to do , a week this thurday im going back , she said she think i will need cousilling if i were to have an abortion , she explaine to me how hard it would be to bring up a child on my own and i no how hard it wud b , my dreams wud be over before they have even begun, when i next go back , and i think i wil except , she will give me a pill which will make me miss carry , in two days , ive got my friends around me right now to help me they all , wel the ones hu no , hows my lil nephew doing , and put theere hed against my tummy hehe , one of my mates wanted to go and by clothes that when i told her i may not b kepping it and she cried and sed but jorja not a day goes by when u dont talk about havin a baby , i say i no but this is differnt im actully pregnant right now !!!!! well probs the next time i right on this is will be just me again , not me and the lil one , i will have to face its dad when this is all over and done with i wil have to face him probs giveing me a black eye , i no this is selfish but i need my lyf , i need it to find out what kind of person i am , in time i will be ready to have a baby with the perfect one for me and we would all be a family , witha nice house , money , and right now all i have it £250 quid , that wudnt even last me a month neva mind me and a lil one ...
i feel im doin the right thing , god help me and give me the strenghth to get throught this hurt full , confussing pain fulll time
i love my baby , even tho i have neva met it , i love it right now more than lyf its self
x
x
x
Saturday, 6 October 2007
Im so unhappy , im so miserbale i really can not see my self ever feelling happyness agen ,
i feel so sorry for my dad but he had brought it on himself ! he chose the single life and wanted to life that way so yano people tell me i shouldnt feel sorry for him , i no this sounds a we bit silly , but no matter how much sum one hurts me , i can not bring my self to hurt them bak , i hate , hate , hate hurtin people with a passion sso i make sure i dont . i miss him soo much , soo much , i wish he cud see hw much i am hurtin al the damage he has caused and hw he has chnaged my life for the worst but he dusnt no and cant see , maybe because he dosnt want to see but i wish with all my heart he cud see me , the me which is yurnin for a dad to be there for me to tell me life will b ok , to tell me that boys will cum and go they will hurt me , hug me , love me etc but he will neva let go of me , but he wont he wil neva b able to say those words to me! i dream on a another him one hu wud neva , leave me alone to pick up the peices :( i carry the wait of the world on my shoulder
WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO :(
DAUGHTER TO FARTHER :(
I MISS YOU SOO FRIIKIN MUCHH DADDDDY
DAADDY TO HOLE ME THATS WHT I NEEDED
I DONT NO U , BUT I STILL WANT TO .
i sat up last night cryin and i dont no y the hell i was , my life is a complete and utter mess ,
i will finshh later have sum things to say bwt adam the ex :(
x
i feel so sorry for my dad but he had brought it on himself ! he chose the single life and wanted to life that way so yano people tell me i shouldnt feel sorry for him , i no this sounds a we bit silly , but no matter how much sum one hurts me , i can not bring my self to hurt them bak , i hate , hate , hate hurtin people with a passion sso i make sure i dont . i miss him soo much , soo much , i wish he cud see hw much i am hurtin al the damage he has caused and hw he has chnaged my life for the worst but he dusnt no and cant see , maybe because he dosnt want to see but i wish with all my heart he cud see me , the me which is yurnin for a dad to be there for me to tell me life will b ok , to tell me that boys will cum and go they will hurt me , hug me , love me etc but he will neva let go of me , but he wont he wil neva b able to say those words to me! i dream on a another him one hu wud neva , leave me alone to pick up the peices :( i carry the wait of the world on my shoulder
WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO :(
DAUGHTER TO FARTHER :(
I MISS YOU SOO FRIIKIN MUCHH DADDDDY
DAADDY TO HOLE ME THATS WHT I NEEDED
I DONT NO U , BUT I STILL WANT TO .
i sat up last night cryin and i dont no y the hell i was , my life is a complete and utter mess ,
i will finshh later have sum things to say bwt adam the ex :(
x
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
OMG I AM ACTUALLY GNA B PUT ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS GRR :@
You no what yeah this is not normal in a girl of my age
why the hel am i so fukin unhappy , this year i have just been so down , ill , depreesed , everything n people who have only knowin me for this year i bewt they think i am a right arshole grumpy hole , but this year i have just bin a whole new person n tbh i dont think any one hu new the ins and outs of what i have bin through wud blame me at all,
finsihh 2 mos , im shatterd (N)
why the hel am i so fukin unhappy , this year i have just been so down , ill , depreesed , everything n people who have only knowin me for this year i bewt they think i am a right arshole grumpy hole , but this year i have just bin a whole new person n tbh i dont think any one hu new the ins and outs of what i have bin through wud blame me at all,
finsihh 2 mos , im shatterd (N)
Saturday, 29 September 2007
I HAVE JUST LOST A GOOD FRIEND
I have just lost a good friend that friend not being the one hu i go to skwl with alisa , the one hu i was with!
i cudnt give to shits about alisha cos she is a bitch anyway , shes as sent an email to a person hu i wish neva to have to talk to agen , i went on myspace and a comeent was left to go on to msn so i did , alisha told me wht she had sent :( :( i was devasted , devasted cos i wnbted this so go no further at all , i wanted it al to b over with but she obv has to carry on sumthing which is nuffin to do with her ,
im so angry but yet so sad right now , my lyf is getin worse and worse has days goes bi , shit with mum n dad have started up agen , im hatin towards my best friend a hel of alot ,
she has just caused me a hole load of truble i do not need at all , she dusnt give to fuks cos non of it involves her!
i havnt cried in ages , but i am now cos im so sad , shes tellin me things in anger which r so tru :( :( . im fat im ugly wel i alredy no al of that , im an embarssment , i dint no that , the list goes on dnt wna repeat them cos it wil just upset me agen , she is a bitch i neva wna have to talk 2 her agen eva
SHE IS A BITCH !
GRRR
i cudnt give to shits about alisha cos she is a bitch anyway , shes as sent an email to a person hu i wish neva to have to talk to agen , i went on myspace and a comeent was left to go on to msn so i did , alisha told me wht she had sent :( :( i was devasted , devasted cos i wnbted this so go no further at all , i wanted it al to b over with but she obv has to carry on sumthing which is nuffin to do with her ,
im so angry but yet so sad right now , my lyf is getin worse and worse has days goes bi , shit with mum n dad have started up agen , im hatin towards my best friend a hel of alot ,
she has just caused me a hole load of truble i do not need at all , she dusnt give to fuks cos non of it involves her!
i havnt cried in ages , but i am now cos im so sad , shes tellin me things in anger which r so tru :( :( . im fat im ugly wel i alredy no al of that , im an embarssment , i dint no that , the list goes on dnt wna repeat them cos it wil just upset me agen , she is a bitch i neva wna have to talk 2 her agen eva
SHE IS A BITCH !
GRRR
Thursday, 27 September 2007
NOT WROTE ON HERE FOR TYM
FOR FUKS SAKE IM SOO PISSED OF ITS UNTRU GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
SO PIISSED OOFF , THIS MAYBE THE PIISSET OFF I HAVE EVA BEEN GRRRRRRR
IM SO PISSED OFF I CUD KILL SUM ONE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
BUT IM FALLIN IN LOVE WOOHOOO
BUT STILLL GOD IM PISSED OF 2 THE HIGH HEAVENS GRRRR
GR
GR
GRRRRRRR
SO PIISSED OOFF , THIS MAYBE THE PIISSET OFF I HAVE EVA BEEN GRRRRRRR
IM SO PISSED OFF I CUD KILL SUM ONE GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
BUT IM FALLIN IN LOVE WOOHOOO
BUT STILLL GOD IM PISSED OF 2 THE HIGH HEAVENS GRRRR
GR
GR
GRRRRRRR
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
HMM NOT TO SURE WHAT TO CALL THIS 1 !!
Where do u bloddy start , im tryin my hardest my damn right hardest to not think bad or sad things about my future u no wht with bein not 2 wel and that , really scaring me and ppl r fussing i just want 2 b normal agen , not to have 2 b takin 6 lots of medication , not to have to keep goin 2 the hospital 4 times a week , i just wna b the old me!
I try to put on an act , i try to sounds loud and my normall self and laugh just finding it hard at the moment , they wont b to take months of skwl around 4 - 5 - 6 i think they said , but even after that i will need to have treatment after all that , my life does not feel worth living , the one thing which is keepin my sane right now i no this is really silly but having a baby and gloin traveling they are the only things that r keepin me goin , and well my family of course lol
i can feel my self getin worse , ive nt eaten in days i just frow it all bak up , and my frowt it kilin frm that , im coughin up blood , ,not told my mum about that tho cos i dont want to worry her even more , shes alredy i a bloody reck and its all my flippin fault !!! grrr hate myself for this .
God imagine if i died , that scares me soo much , ive only lived for 14 and abit years! wel i have has 13 years of a wicked life you could say , dien and not nowing if there is a heaven or a hell , or weather u just die and dnt go anywhere just chill in a box under the groung , nowin i neva forfilled any of my dreams , nowing i will neva have a child , that is scaring a me a hell of a alot about the baby !!
the thing is im on al of this medication and yet i can stil feel myself getin weaker by the day , this is apprantly normal but i can just about get myself up in the morin i was so dead this mornin my mum cudnt wake me up , i think that shit her up an awfull lot , she had to kinda dress me cos i just had no energy i got to skwl and i felt alryt i guess , got sum fizzy drink dwn me and felt a lil better , they i just tried to get my mind of it , that works but i had my mum and dad on my mind then , they i had my ex on my mind , i feel sorry for him , well im not to sure weather fellin sorry for him is what i really mean !
im happy for him / was happy for him that he was in love / in love , and im happy he has moved on but everytime i refelct back on what i had with him , i had nothing at all , our realtionship was built on lies , on his side not mine , he never loved me and i no that now m but i was stupid sum one / god gave me the signs and i never took them , i never did anything about hw i felt , tbh ending that relationship with him was a wicked fing , im happy i did it now , soo happy , yes it hurt me a hell of alot and nearly killed me everytime i found sumit new out about him bet getin married and him cheatin on me , but he did cheat on me i didnt want to belive it but he did do it 2 me , all my love for him has gone , i have no feelings what so ever which i am really happy about, im happy that i can still b his friend without having that felling of wantin him or wantin 2 b with him , which is such a wiicked thing !!! Im over him , i feel no love , no sad ness , no hate , just a friendship ! i will never love him agen!!!
god arnt i a bloody mess , my life is a mes , i could b dead soon , but still trying to forget!!!
I AM BROKENN ... BUT I AM HOOEEPIINGG
THESE BLOGS ARE THE CONFESSIONS OF A BROKEN HEART !
x
I try to put on an act , i try to sounds loud and my normall self and laugh just finding it hard at the moment , they wont b to take months of skwl around 4 - 5 - 6 i think they said , but even after that i will need to have treatment after all that , my life does not feel worth living , the one thing which is keepin my sane right now i no this is really silly but having a baby and gloin traveling they are the only things that r keepin me goin , and well my family of course lol
i can feel my self getin worse , ive nt eaten in days i just frow it all bak up , and my frowt it kilin frm that , im coughin up blood , ,not told my mum about that tho cos i dont want to worry her even more , shes alredy i a bloody reck and its all my flippin fault !!! grrr hate myself for this .
God imagine if i died , that scares me soo much , ive only lived for 14 and abit years! wel i have has 13 years of a wicked life you could say , dien and not nowing if there is a heaven or a hell , or weather u just die and dnt go anywhere just chill in a box under the groung , nowin i neva forfilled any of my dreams , nowing i will neva have a child , that is scaring a me a hell of a alot about the baby !!
the thing is im on al of this medication and yet i can stil feel myself getin weaker by the day , this is apprantly normal but i can just about get myself up in the morin i was so dead this mornin my mum cudnt wake me up , i think that shit her up an awfull lot , she had to kinda dress me cos i just had no energy i got to skwl and i felt alryt i guess , got sum fizzy drink dwn me and felt a lil better , they i just tried to get my mind of it , that works but i had my mum and dad on my mind then , they i had my ex on my mind , i feel sorry for him , well im not to sure weather fellin sorry for him is what i really mean !
im happy for him / was happy for him that he was in love / in love , and im happy he has moved on but everytime i refelct back on what i had with him , i had nothing at all , our realtionship was built on lies , on his side not mine , he never loved me and i no that now m but i was stupid sum one / god gave me the signs and i never took them , i never did anything about hw i felt , tbh ending that relationship with him was a wicked fing , im happy i did it now , soo happy , yes it hurt me a hell of alot and nearly killed me everytime i found sumit new out about him bet getin married and him cheatin on me , but he did cheat on me i didnt want to belive it but he did do it 2 me , all my love for him has gone , i have no feelings what so ever which i am really happy about, im happy that i can still b his friend without having that felling of wantin him or wantin 2 b with him , which is such a wiicked thing !!! Im over him , i feel no love , no sad ness , no hate , just a friendship ! i will never love him agen!!!
god arnt i a bloody mess , my life is a mes , i could b dead soon , but still trying to forget!!!
I AM BROKENN ... BUT I AM HOOEEPIINGG
THESE BLOGS ARE THE CONFESSIONS OF A BROKEN HEART !
x
Monday, 17 September 2007
IM LOSSING MY STRENGHTH AND ITS STARTING TO KICK IN
God this is what i have been dreadin for a long time , my ill ness is starting to kick in.
I have amence head aches
Ill eat and i wont last 10 mins without throwing it all up agen.
I cant sleep
i have no energy
No periods
I loook so ruff
im startin 2 bruise even when sum one just bumps into me
My hair is falling out in even bigger clumps
and i feel soo sad , but im trying to be happy
i have 2 stay off skwl but i cant , my mum tells me everyday not 2 go 2 skwl and 2 stay in bed etc
but i have 2 go , i cant miss all my work this is the most important yearr for me
i cant just give up now !
x
I have amence head aches
Ill eat and i wont last 10 mins without throwing it all up agen.
I cant sleep
i have no energy
No periods
I loook so ruff
im startin 2 bruise even when sum one just bumps into me
My hair is falling out in even bigger clumps
and i feel soo sad , but im trying to be happy
i have 2 stay off skwl but i cant , my mum tells me everyday not 2 go 2 skwl and 2 stay in bed etc
but i have 2 go , i cant miss all my work this is the most important yearr for me
i cant just give up now !
x
Sunday, 16 September 2007
* MY DAD *
My dad left me on the 13th april 07 , when he chose to walk away from his wife and children for ever and decided he wanted to live the single life. His lien and his cheating story are still be told today , dif girls he has cheated on my mum with , breaks my heart to here them it really does , to no that one person , who you thought cared for you , loved u and never wanted to hurt you does hurt u , breaks you , tears you apart.
He's been arreted for abuse on my mum , there to much to say about what a nasty, eveil man he really is.
He has never ever let me down , ever since i have been a little girl if i asked him to take me some where and he was busy he would still take me , hes always treated me lika princess always , cared and i always felt loved by him , he always made me smile always , always take the mik , he always told me the truth , he never hurt me , he was such a wiickked dad , he was someone i thought of as my age not s dad age , i always thought of him as my older brother, and so it did all my mates like at parents everniing or sumit , i would get sum lad sayin to me how cum ur bro as cum , or this lad i was goin out with chris sed 2 me , sumit bwt him being my bro he new me inside out but yet he stil thought he was my bro or cus aw sumit!
so why now , 2007 when i have my gcse's cumin up , wht does he decide to let me down , my does he decide to ruin my life , and break my heart , wht does he chosse to kick me out of my home , and kill my dreams ?
i wish i could say this to him !!!
i remember when u used to take me on a bike ride everyday ,
do you remeber that ? we were inseprable! , and i remember when you could do no rong , you come home from work and i jumped in your arms , i was so excited and so happy to see you.
because u loved me i overcome , and im so proud of what youve become , youve given me such security no mater what mistake i make your there for me , you kill my disapointments and you heal my pain , you understood my bizz and you protected me i tresure every year . that why i want my unborn son to be like my daddy , i want my husband to be like my daddy there is no one else like my daddy and i thank you for loving me.
haha lmao i still remember the expression on ur face when you had found out i has been on a date and had boyfriend ( your face was a picture)
words cant express my boundless grataude for you i appreciate wht u do!
Even if my man broke my heart today no mater how much pain im in i wil be ok , cos ive gta a man in my life that cant be replaced , his love in uncondition it wont go away i no im luky and i no it aint easy for men hu tae care of there responsibilties , love is over welming , you stopped my tears from falling , i love u so much daddy !
no one wil ever replace my daddy!
i would love to email him that or read it out 2 him but i cant those felings i has are gone , all those memories i have had have been ruined because i no what he has done 2 my family , i tell my self i love him , but i dont no wht this felling is i am holding .
when its ur dad thats hurting u mum , what the hell do you do , u have no choice but to take a side , so i chose my dads at first and then when i found out the truth i ran sdtraight to my mums side , where i stil am now .
my dad left for 3 months to think about what he wanted , i stook up for him when my family were calling him names , i got into fight with my mum about it , i got beat up several times by my mum for doing it !
scared the hell out of me when i think about xmas , what wil it b like , we wont be a family , we wont all b sat round a tree opening presnts that we have wanted for ages , i wont get to see that smile on his face when he opens a presants he has realy wanted , he wont b telling me , jorja go help your mum clean up and me rolling my eyes and saying for gods sake , this is making my cry cos im right it will never be the same ! there will always be some kind of fude in my family between my mum n dad , thats something i will have to deal with . MY wedding day , where do i start , it wont b the one i have dreamed about since i have been a little girl , because my mum and dont wont b together!
i love all my family soo dearly and would do anything , apsolutly anything to mend there broken hearts , i would die for each and everyone of them. i hate my dad because of the person he has become , and i hate him for hurting my family , i hate him for crushing my dreams , but deeep , deep, deep down some where im not sure weather i love him , wel i feel something but im not sure what it is .
this has made me grow up a lil faster than most teenagers i no , this will make me stronger to fight bigger problems in my life when im older but now i cnt see anything being a biger problem than losing sum one so close and tthem stil being alive but not been able 2 reach them because of the pain i am felling!
i wil try my hardest to not let this affect , benitas , mathews and luthers adult years , sophie is biiger enuf to no what he wants , meliisa is a gold digger she dosnt care about no one but her self she just wants him all to her self!
there is so much more that could and maybe shud have been sed in this blog , theres just to much to say tho .
x
He's been arreted for abuse on my mum , there to much to say about what a nasty, eveil man he really is.
He has never ever let me down , ever since i have been a little girl if i asked him to take me some where and he was busy he would still take me , hes always treated me lika princess always , cared and i always felt loved by him , he always made me smile always , always take the mik , he always told me the truth , he never hurt me , he was such a wiickked dad , he was someone i thought of as my age not s dad age , i always thought of him as my older brother, and so it did all my mates like at parents everniing or sumit , i would get sum lad sayin to me how cum ur bro as cum , or this lad i was goin out with chris sed 2 me , sumit bwt him being my bro he new me inside out but yet he stil thought he was my bro or cus aw sumit!
so why now , 2007 when i have my gcse's cumin up , wht does he decide to let me down , my does he decide to ruin my life , and break my heart , wht does he chosse to kick me out of my home , and kill my dreams ?
i wish i could say this to him !!!
i remember when u used to take me on a bike ride everyday ,
do you remeber that ? we were inseprable! , and i remember when you could do no rong , you come home from work and i jumped in your arms , i was so excited and so happy to see you.
because u loved me i overcome , and im so proud of what youve become , youve given me such security no mater what mistake i make your there for me , you kill my disapointments and you heal my pain , you understood my bizz and you protected me i tresure every year . that why i want my unborn son to be like my daddy , i want my husband to be like my daddy there is no one else like my daddy and i thank you for loving me.
haha lmao i still remember the expression on ur face when you had found out i has been on a date and had boyfriend ( your face was a picture)
words cant express my boundless grataude for you i appreciate wht u do!
Even if my man broke my heart today no mater how much pain im in i wil be ok , cos ive gta a man in my life that cant be replaced , his love in uncondition it wont go away i no im luky and i no it aint easy for men hu tae care of there responsibilties , love is over welming , you stopped my tears from falling , i love u so much daddy !
no one wil ever replace my daddy!
i would love to email him that or read it out 2 him but i cant those felings i has are gone , all those memories i have had have been ruined because i no what he has done 2 my family , i tell my self i love him , but i dont no wht this felling is i am holding .
when its ur dad thats hurting u mum , what the hell do you do , u have no choice but to take a side , so i chose my dads at first and then when i found out the truth i ran sdtraight to my mums side , where i stil am now .
my dad left for 3 months to think about what he wanted , i stook up for him when my family were calling him names , i got into fight with my mum about it , i got beat up several times by my mum for doing it !
scared the hell out of me when i think about xmas , what wil it b like , we wont be a family , we wont all b sat round a tree opening presnts that we have wanted for ages , i wont get to see that smile on his face when he opens a presants he has realy wanted , he wont b telling me , jorja go help your mum clean up and me rolling my eyes and saying for gods sake , this is making my cry cos im right it will never be the same ! there will always be some kind of fude in my family between my mum n dad , thats something i will have to deal with . MY wedding day , where do i start , it wont b the one i have dreamed about since i have been a little girl , because my mum and dont wont b together!
i love all my family soo dearly and would do anything , apsolutly anything to mend there broken hearts , i would die for each and everyone of them. i hate my dad because of the person he has become , and i hate him for hurting my family , i hate him for crushing my dreams , but deeep , deep, deep down some where im not sure weather i love him , wel i feel something but im not sure what it is .
this has made me grow up a lil faster than most teenagers i no , this will make me stronger to fight bigger problems in my life when im older but now i cnt see anything being a biger problem than losing sum one so close and tthem stil being alive but not been able 2 reach them because of the pain i am felling!
i wil try my hardest to not let this affect , benitas , mathews and luthers adult years , sophie is biiger enuf to no what he wants , meliisa is a gold digger she dosnt care about no one but her self she just wants him all to her self!
there is so much more that could and maybe shud have been sed in this blog , theres just to much to say tho .
x
Saturday, 15 September 2007
MY HEART CANT POSSIBLY BREAK WHEN IT WASNT EVEN HOLE 2 START WITH !
Do i have cheat on me stapped across my for head , or do people just get this weak feeling from me , or just by lookin at me , do boys get the image fuk me over it wil b alright!
I was testin the water with one boy , what does he go and do cheat on me , cheat on me , that girl who has had her heat broken soo many times already , that girl who knew if anyone did anything like what the last did to her , it would be the death of her !
but he did it, knowing everything i have been through and am going through and stil he does it , im such a fukin idiot and every time this happens i blame no one but myself cos it is my fault it must be simthing im doin , not giving them what they want , but wanting to weight a while , soo he think ill get it from someone else for now til shes ready ! wel i wasnt ready it had only been a week and half and i wasnt giving him wanted he wanted , cos i think more of my self , im not a slag and wnt get my name as a slag either , cos once ur known as a slag you will always be known as a slag and will neva eva eva get my self that nmes ever ! and i will make sure i dont !
there is no one way on gods earth i wnt another bf , not yet , not this year anyway , this academic !
yeah i liked this lad alot and he made me sad but he didnt break my heart becasue it wasnt even hole to start with!
If anyone comes to my attention , if any one likes me and i like them i will always think abiut it in detail first cos there is no way i will but at risk me gettin hurt all over !
because of the last one i find it hard to trust anyone, because of him im afraid , i no im weak , im a very weak person !
i dont no want to fall in love agen , not for a very very long tym 2 cum yet , mayb 5 years or so , im not ready , it not cos i stil love that other person cos im happy to say i dont have any feelings towards him , yeah i think about him everyday i think ,,, hmmm wonder wht he is doin and i wonder weather hes out 2 nyt , lil things like that i dont think bout my past with him and i dont think bwt the things we used to do , and when i think ahead and plan my future hes not init , to me thats a gd thing because he could pop in every now and then when i see him in the street aw sumit , but that will b a surpirise and i shudnt expect it cos it will b a surprise!
i haad another dream bwt havin lil babies agen last nyt it was amamzing , a girl and boy , mixed race , tight curly afros woke up this morining with a huge smile on my face , just hope do god that cumes tru for me !
Hospital , god lord where do i start , im dien :( :(, not im not really but i could be dead if things go rong!
so if anyone finds this blog when im dead ,keep it on the low
its saturday mornin , 12 .30 and im doin coursworkk , wht a llife ey , wht a bloody life :(
x
I was testin the water with one boy , what does he go and do cheat on me , cheat on me , that girl who has had her heat broken soo many times already , that girl who knew if anyone did anything like what the last did to her , it would be the death of her !
but he did it, knowing everything i have been through and am going through and stil he does it , im such a fukin idiot and every time this happens i blame no one but myself cos it is my fault it must be simthing im doin , not giving them what they want , but wanting to weight a while , soo he think ill get it from someone else for now til shes ready ! wel i wasnt ready it had only been a week and half and i wasnt giving him wanted he wanted , cos i think more of my self , im not a slag and wnt get my name as a slag either , cos once ur known as a slag you will always be known as a slag and will neva eva eva get my self that nmes ever ! and i will make sure i dont !
there is no one way on gods earth i wnt another bf , not yet , not this year anyway , this academic !
yeah i liked this lad alot and he made me sad but he didnt break my heart becasue it wasnt even hole to start with!
If anyone comes to my attention , if any one likes me and i like them i will always think abiut it in detail first cos there is no way i will but at risk me gettin hurt all over !
because of the last one i find it hard to trust anyone, because of him im afraid , i no im weak , im a very weak person !
i dont no want to fall in love agen , not for a very very long tym 2 cum yet , mayb 5 years or so , im not ready , it not cos i stil love that other person cos im happy to say i dont have any feelings towards him , yeah i think about him everyday i think ,,, hmmm wonder wht he is doin and i wonder weather hes out 2 nyt , lil things like that i dont think bout my past with him and i dont think bwt the things we used to do , and when i think ahead and plan my future hes not init , to me thats a gd thing because he could pop in every now and then when i see him in the street aw sumit , but that will b a surpirise and i shudnt expect it cos it will b a surprise!
i haad another dream bwt havin lil babies agen last nyt it was amamzing , a girl and boy , mixed race , tight curly afros woke up this morining with a huge smile on my face , just hope do god that cumes tru for me !
Hospital , god lord where do i start , im dien :( :(, not im not really but i could be dead if things go rong!
so if anyone finds this blog when im dead ,keep it on the low
its saturday mornin , 12 .30 and im doin coursworkk , wht a llife ey , wht a bloody life :(
x
Thursday, 13 September 2007
LIFE DONT MAKE ANY SENCE 2 ME !!!
Got home today sat down at around 5 isshh and did my home ec courswork and it took me 4 frigging hours , 4 hours out of my bloody life to do that :( :( :(
but surpose it for the best soo il just keep doing it until i leave schoool , im couting down the days !
I dont even have time anymore to do this blog so im thinking aboout just canceelinng it , that lad i used 2 go out with always sed to take the piss out of me for doin it as well , made me feel really really stupid . And hes right :(. sooo im thinkin bwt deletin it but on the other hand its like no one ukin reads this and it mine so he can just b quite lol , but dnooo!
I had the weirdest dream last night wel i had loads of dreams , it was like replaying my life it was soo bizzar it really was :s :s . but im weird like that and i read into apositly everything lol soo im reading in to this as wel and tryna figure sum of it out !! lol
God careerr changed yet agen , im not gna b a hair dresser , thinkin lawyer , but definnatly thinkin child phycology hw eva u spell it !
Sum lad added me on bebo and it was the gyal hu he cheated on me withs mate ! :s
I just want to for get about it all , so why are things dragging me back , im feelin so strong at the mo , jusst tryna get good grades at the mo and tryna for get bwt the sitution im in and the ones i was in :s , its over so y are ppl like him addin me , im tired of it i really am , i just wna live my life with no problems frm him or her .
in my eyes i should b forgooton by him , but i dnoo if he has forgoton me yet , tbh i wudnt really mind if he did , im kinda happy now , but just sometimes things drang me back , it like 1 step foraward then being dragged 3 steps back !
but anyhu , im shatted i need sum bloddy sleep!
x
but surpose it for the best soo il just keep doing it until i leave schoool , im couting down the days !
I dont even have time anymore to do this blog so im thinking aboout just canceelinng it , that lad i used 2 go out with always sed to take the piss out of me for doin it as well , made me feel really really stupid . And hes right :(. sooo im thinkin bwt deletin it but on the other hand its like no one ukin reads this and it mine so he can just b quite lol , but dnooo!
I had the weirdest dream last night wel i had loads of dreams , it was like replaying my life it was soo bizzar it really was :s :s . but im weird like that and i read into apositly everything lol soo im reading in to this as wel and tryna figure sum of it out !! lol
God careerr changed yet agen , im not gna b a hair dresser , thinkin lawyer , but definnatly thinkin child phycology hw eva u spell it !
Sum lad added me on bebo and it was the gyal hu he cheated on me withs mate ! :s
I just want to for get about it all , so why are things dragging me back , im feelin so strong at the mo , jusst tryna get good grades at the mo and tryna for get bwt the sitution im in and the ones i was in :s , its over so y are ppl like him addin me , im tired of it i really am , i just wna live my life with no problems frm him or her .
in my eyes i should b forgooton by him , but i dnoo if he has forgoton me yet , tbh i wudnt really mind if he did , im kinda happy now , but just sometimes things drang me back , it like 1 step foraward then being dragged 3 steps back !
but anyhu , im shatted i need sum bloddy sleep!
x
Wednesday, 12 September 2007
THE STREESS , THE DRAMA , I AM THE DEFINITION OF STRESS
Not worte on here for abit , wel a day lol , just been so busy what with school and courswork and home and stuff , ive had no time to my self at all , soo ill take ten mins out just to do this!
I got my mate to block this sight so no one could see it , i tried blocking it agen and agen and agen! but even when i go on it now it says that im not aloud anywho !
Im not very well , taking theese pills which i got from the hospital , there surposed to help but there is a risk aswel .They make my emunne system weaker , this isnt surposed to happen for another few weeks yet but its kickin in already , ive got a cold and its bloddy end of summer , virus's can attack my system alot quicker now and can do an awful not more damage , and because im streesed and under alot of pressure its making it worse , the doctors want to bring me in to hospital but there is no way i can afford the time off school at all , i will get weaker and weaker over the next few months thats a pritty scary thought but anyhu fingas crossed il b ryt (Y)
Jeeees i have about 20 college application forms lien on my floor which need filling in :( :( the thought of leaving skwl is actually pritty scary but ill b ryt (Y)
God i wanted to do hair dressing and beauty but ive been told thats a dead end job :( which puts me off and ive put an awful lot of thought into it and there right my mum is an ex - hair dresser and she even said its a dead end job. so now im thinkin lawyer again , hmmm but i just dont think im clever enough to do that but if i do get the opertunity to do that i really will give it my alll :D butt omdz 7 years of training , that means i wont reallly get much time travvling , so again im think child phycololgy , im so bloody stuck , i havnt got a clue , so im gna have to get on the internet and get crakin on look what courses are available to me eyy !
I get up at 6 - 6 .30 ish , i come home around 4- 5 ish ,when i get home i do around 3 and half hours of homework im that tired that i have to go 2 bed , i have no time for anything !
The boy !
Ive also thought alot about this to , amungst an awful lot of other things , i am not ready for another bf, i do not have the time for one , i dont have the energy either , all i am doing now is getting my head down and concentrating on things that really matter in my life , but how do i tell him cos hes sayin love u now , i dont feel anything towards him so u just say nuff lv 2 him i think that offends him a lil but i dnt wna ....... i dnt think hurt is the word, but yeah hurt :s :s :s lol
I was bought a lomo camera the other day , i was soo excited about getting it , but im going to wait untill the weekend to open it all up because if i did it now , there is no was i would get anything done . but my dad has got it now which is a good thing for me lol .
Im soo tired now , sooo soo tired i have so may things that i am worrying about now and thinking aboout , anyhu i best crak on with courswork , which needs to be handed in on friday :( oooh noo , looks like i will b up all night doing that
Awww , i was talking to some one to day and they kept lookin at me weird i was like why are you lookin at me like that , awww and they said god you have beautufull eyes , that made me a lil happy lol .
jorja - mercedes -x
I got my mate to block this sight so no one could see it , i tried blocking it agen and agen and agen! but even when i go on it now it says that im not aloud anywho !
Im not very well , taking theese pills which i got from the hospital , there surposed to help but there is a risk aswel .They make my emunne system weaker , this isnt surposed to happen for another few weeks yet but its kickin in already , ive got a cold and its bloddy end of summer , virus's can attack my system alot quicker now and can do an awful not more damage , and because im streesed and under alot of pressure its making it worse , the doctors want to bring me in to hospital but there is no way i can afford the time off school at all , i will get weaker and weaker over the next few months thats a pritty scary thought but anyhu fingas crossed il b ryt (Y)
Jeeees i have about 20 college application forms lien on my floor which need filling in :( :( the thought of leaving skwl is actually pritty scary but ill b ryt (Y)
God i wanted to do hair dressing and beauty but ive been told thats a dead end job :( which puts me off and ive put an awful lot of thought into it and there right my mum is an ex - hair dresser and she even said its a dead end job. so now im thinkin lawyer again , hmmm but i just dont think im clever enough to do that but if i do get the opertunity to do that i really will give it my alll :D butt omdz 7 years of training , that means i wont reallly get much time travvling , so again im think child phycololgy , im so bloody stuck , i havnt got a clue , so im gna have to get on the internet and get crakin on look what courses are available to me eyy !
I get up at 6 - 6 .30 ish , i come home around 4- 5 ish ,when i get home i do around 3 and half hours of homework im that tired that i have to go 2 bed , i have no time for anything !
The boy !
Ive also thought alot about this to , amungst an awful lot of other things , i am not ready for another bf, i do not have the time for one , i dont have the energy either , all i am doing now is getting my head down and concentrating on things that really matter in my life , but how do i tell him cos hes sayin love u now , i dont feel anything towards him so u just say nuff lv 2 him i think that offends him a lil but i dnt wna ....... i dnt think hurt is the word, but yeah hurt :s :s :s lol
I was bought a lomo camera the other day , i was soo excited about getting it , but im going to wait untill the weekend to open it all up because if i did it now , there is no was i would get anything done . but my dad has got it now which is a good thing for me lol .
Im soo tired now , sooo soo tired i have so may things that i am worrying about now and thinking aboout , anyhu i best crak on with courswork , which needs to be handed in on friday :( oooh noo , looks like i will b up all night doing that
Awww , i was talking to some one to day and they kept lookin at me weird i was like why are you lookin at me like that , awww and they said god you have beautufull eyes , that made me a lil happy lol .
jorja - mercedes -x
Monday, 10 September 2007
I NEED TO BE HAPPY !
Wel this blog will no longer be about boys or my problems , but gonna be how my life is and all the things i have 2 face on the way ! but no one reads this , my own line diary wooho lol better than wriiting it on paper!
How im feeling!
im feeling happy in a way , but also very sad i just spoke 2 that boy well i had an argument with him , then it calmed down, i made a big mistake being with him, from the begging i had my doubts about the age , and i didnt sleep some nights because i worried about it that much! but i sort off got over it and his age never seamed to be a problem anymore , the age was the biggest problem we had at the time! wel were over and im living my life still , i meaan this from the bootoom of my broken heart that i hope to god some way some how he gets 2 b the happiest man around , i would pay a hell of a load of money for him 2 b happy! i hope to god no body takes him for a ride and fuks him over , i hope he is treated amamzingly!
my heart is on its way to being mended wohoo by the help of another lad , when i say that it sounds like i am jumping frm one lad to another but im not , hes so genuine , he swore 2 me he would never hurt me and never cheat me on me but so did the last one but sum thing tells me he is being genuine ,hes a good lad ! ive known him for properly for a few months maybe , but he was at a party that i was at but i never new he was there lol but appratly he knew hu i was , the loud , funny , one he called me lol greatt thats how people no me the loud one lol ! but now hes like i think im faling for u abnd im like in my heart isnt it a bit soon , he tells me all the things he likes about me and im like oooooooh jeeess louise , hes tells me im wkd lol but im not lol!
im not going to let myself get to attached right now , im just going to see where it takes me , and hes not the kind of lad that just dosnt want sex !
But theres this lad at skwl 2 , hes always i dnoo lol messing about wiv me , and he always sits next 2 me n we chat alot bwt music and that , its not that hes giving me the signs hmmmmmm but everyone thinks we like each other , yeah i like him as a friend! but hes fit , soo i doubt he likes me hehe ooh welll lol
Home life !
it gets worse by the day but i try and hide the fact that i am confused beyond belive , im sad because its nearly a year since he left, im sad because this is how its all turning out , im sad because my family will never be the same , im sad because i have 2 pak n leave , everything aboiut it is making me miserable, but i try my hardest to stay strong for my family, my sister is back at work now after her carrer break and my lil brothers are back at schoool and so are me and benita so shes home alone all day , so i call her at break and lunch to see if shes alright ! cos thats all i can really do with being at skwl and what not!
my time at home will get harder and i no it will , i no there will b more fights and arguments between my dad and my mum and i no i wil have 2 move house and leave every thing i have ever really known and move sum where new !
my life will never be the same , but it has to go on and i have 2 b grown up about it all. i have 2 smile when i dont feel like smilling , i have to loook after my family while i have other things on my mind , right now i try to put barriers up and have skwl and home, but its hard when my mum depends on me so much
she callls me her lil soldier hahah do i look like a boy hahahah, she sed i appear frm no where when she needs me the most, i am her daughter and would die for her i would die dor any onein my familly !
i think abiut love to much , i live my life around love , when i dont need to!
throught out alll of this pain i am felling right now not includind the hospitall side of thing which i try and block out of my head cos my dreams could sooon before if things go rong ! but i will make it through i hope to god , il say a few prayers but if and when i do get throught it
GOD , I HOPE HE GIVES ME THE STRENTH TO FIGHT BACK !
How im feeling!
im feeling happy in a way , but also very sad i just spoke 2 that boy well i had an argument with him , then it calmed down, i made a big mistake being with him, from the begging i had my doubts about the age , and i didnt sleep some nights because i worried about it that much! but i sort off got over it and his age never seamed to be a problem anymore , the age was the biggest problem we had at the time! wel were over and im living my life still , i meaan this from the bootoom of my broken heart that i hope to god some way some how he gets 2 b the happiest man around , i would pay a hell of a load of money for him 2 b happy! i hope to god no body takes him for a ride and fuks him over , i hope he is treated amamzingly!
my heart is on its way to being mended wohoo by the help of another lad , when i say that it sounds like i am jumping frm one lad to another but im not , hes so genuine , he swore 2 me he would never hurt me and never cheat me on me but so did the last one but sum thing tells me he is being genuine ,hes a good lad ! ive known him for properly for a few months maybe , but he was at a party that i was at but i never new he was there lol but appratly he knew hu i was , the loud , funny , one he called me lol greatt thats how people no me the loud one lol ! but now hes like i think im faling for u abnd im like in my heart isnt it a bit soon , he tells me all the things he likes about me and im like oooooooh jeeess louise , hes tells me im wkd lol but im not lol!
im not going to let myself get to attached right now , im just going to see where it takes me , and hes not the kind of lad that just dosnt want sex !
But theres this lad at skwl 2 , hes always i dnoo lol messing about wiv me , and he always sits next 2 me n we chat alot bwt music and that , its not that hes giving me the signs hmmmmmm but everyone thinks we like each other , yeah i like him as a friend! but hes fit , soo i doubt he likes me hehe ooh welll lol
Home life !
it gets worse by the day but i try and hide the fact that i am confused beyond belive , im sad because its nearly a year since he left, im sad because this is how its all turning out , im sad because my family will never be the same , im sad because i have 2 pak n leave , everything aboiut it is making me miserable, but i try my hardest to stay strong for my family, my sister is back at work now after her carrer break and my lil brothers are back at schoool and so are me and benita so shes home alone all day , so i call her at break and lunch to see if shes alright ! cos thats all i can really do with being at skwl and what not!
my time at home will get harder and i no it will , i no there will b more fights and arguments between my dad and my mum and i no i wil have 2 move house and leave every thing i have ever really known and move sum where new !
my life will never be the same , but it has to go on and i have 2 b grown up about it all. i have 2 smile when i dont feel like smilling , i have to loook after my family while i have other things on my mind , right now i try to put barriers up and have skwl and home, but its hard when my mum depends on me so much
she callls me her lil soldier hahah do i look like a boy hahahah, she sed i appear frm no where when she needs me the most, i am her daughter and would die for her i would die dor any onein my familly !
i think abiut love to much , i live my life around love , when i dont need to!
throught out alll of this pain i am felling right now not includind the hospitall side of thing which i try and block out of my head cos my dreams could sooon before if things go rong ! but i will make it through i hope to god , il say a few prayers but if and when i do get throught it
GOD , I HOPE HE GIVES ME THE STRENTH TO FIGHT BACK !
Sunday, 9 September 2007
HOW FRIKIN BAD DO I FEEL !
Wel i was seing this lad and ive just told him , that im not ready for another relationship and that i have to many things to deal with at the moment what with school and home and what not , which is true i think this year needs to be the year when i need to be on my own and be concentrating and getting my head down , n not being loved up , i dont wana fall in love again for a long time to come !
He was really underrstanding and was like i hope we can still b friends and chat on msn n that i said yeah corse but i dont think i should speek to him as much anymore !
Hes a really nice lad , good looking could get any girl he wants, a big computer wiz lol!
But to be honest i was rong for saying yes to him , i hope i havnt hurt him , i really do hope i havnt , ill make sure hes alright lol !
Well this academic year is gona b hard and i no i need no one but me , i feel strong at the mo , despite all of the bad news i am gettin at the mo
but still as i always say IF IT DONT KILL YOU IT WIL MAKE YOU STRONGER !
Work needs to be done , i need to live the singal life which is a good one for a bit ey ! get my hed down and then get coledge over with
ive deciced what i want to be now n thats a hair dresser ! Its easy im good at it alredy , wel not with my bush lol its a bit diff when you do your own lol
and i can come back after traveling and get into it stright away
god ive wanted to be so many things but now i think its defo hair dressing !
X
He was really underrstanding and was like i hope we can still b friends and chat on msn n that i said yeah corse but i dont think i should speek to him as much anymore !
Hes a really nice lad , good looking could get any girl he wants, a big computer wiz lol!
But to be honest i was rong for saying yes to him , i hope i havnt hurt him , i really do hope i havnt , ill make sure hes alright lol !
Well this academic year is gona b hard and i no i need no one but me , i feel strong at the mo , despite all of the bad news i am gettin at the mo
but still as i always say IF IT DONT KILL YOU IT WIL MAKE YOU STRONGER !
Work needs to be done , i need to live the singal life which is a good one for a bit ey ! get my hed down and then get coledge over with
ive deciced what i want to be now n thats a hair dresser ! Its easy im good at it alredy , wel not with my bush lol its a bit diff when you do your own lol
and i can come back after traveling and get into it stright away
god ive wanted to be so many things but now i think its defo hair dressing !
X
Saturday, 8 September 2007
ONCE UPON A TIME IN A FAR AWAY LAND LIVED A PRINCESS AND HER PRINCE BUT ....
Once upon a time lived a young girl, she was outgoing, she was never sad , she loved everyone and didnt really feel hate to anyone , she was a happy young girl who loved life and didnt want to grow up!
One day she met a prince on her travels, he was very kind,very funny , so caring , ever so sweet and wasnt selfish.
The girl young girl was having a very had time at home because her mother and father were arguing and her father had moved out, during the period she felt like she could talk to the prince, she built trust in him, a few months went by and she built a lot of trust in the prince , a few more weeks went past and she started to fall in love with the prince and then knew that she wanted to be his princess .
The prince and the princess spent many happy months together , she loved being with him she felt she could escape homelife, when she was with him she knew that the prince made her so happy.
A few months past and the prince and the princess started grow apart the princess did not no why this was happening she thought it was her fault so she tried her hardest to talk to the prince and to try and connect with him and let him see how much she really did love him but her plan failed and sh felt so rejected, because the prince and princess did not live together they had to meet up when ever they had free time because they were both pritty busy people and both had reponsilbilties, the princes understood why she did not see him as much as she wanted to , and could deal with it because all the love she heled in her hear was for him and no body else and knew that if he could make it to see her that was ok !
The prince and the princess started arguing on a regualar basis about silly pathetic things , one of then was the princeses ex boyfriend when he arranged to meet up with her she told the prince because she kept nothing from him and felt she was doing the right thing by doing this the prince did not approve of this at all , and it caused an argument the princeses told the prince she was very sorry for making him angry and she wouldnt meet the boy who she was going to meet even though she had not seen him in around a year or so and they used to be very very good friends until she left him!
The princeses knew somthing was wrong with hers and the prince's relationship she knew she was losing him, she felt as if she couldnt trust him and that he was cheating on her , the princess had night mares about him cheating on her and she told the prince all about it but he didnt care, the princeses got really sad and lonely all of the princeses friends were happy with there lovers except the princess she talked about it with her friends and they told her it would pass and that the prince loved her. The princeses couldnt sleep and was worrying like crazy about there relationship because she didnt want to loose the prince.
A little more time went by and the princes was so lonely and felt life was not worth living but knew she needed to stay around for her familys sakes!
The prince was having doubt about there relationship to , this started to worry the princees alot and made her ill with worry !
The princeses sat down and knew that she was making the prince un happy , so she came to the very difiicult decsion of letting go of him , she loved the prince so much that she would do anything to make him happy again and if that ment leaving him them so be it !
The princeses woke up one sunday morning in her palace and knew to day had to be the day that she sad goodbye to he true love so they had a chat and came to the conclusion that it was there final goodbye the princeses was very very sad about this and felt she had to leave the prince somthing to remember her by so she wrote the prince a letter and gave him a picture of her when she was a child because the prince and the princeses planeed of being king and queen and having little princeses and prince's of there own one day , so she wanted the prince to put them together and to see what they babies would have looked like !
The princeses didnt sleep at all for weeks , and didnt eat either this was making her ill , her mother became increasily worried about the princess and the mother thought it would be a good idea for the princes to go and see the best concilour in the land , the princess refused this help and told her mother she would deal with on her own , the hole sitation made the princess ill and all she wanted was her prince back but she knew that she had made the disicion in the first place to let go of him.
A few days after they finised the princeses found out somthing which made her even more ill and this was that the prince that one person she had ever really loved had been cheating on her , her heart fell apart as they were on the phone to each other , she didnt hate the prince for what he had done to her , she didnt want to her hurt him , the princes had to much to deal with and was hurting beyound belive right now and she had no one to turn to about it , the princeses began to grow very strong and knew she didnt need any one but her self in her life she didnt need the prince because he had hurt her to much, she didnt need any prince!
The princeses heart has been broken many many time over the last year and her prince had just added to it... the princeses is know moving on , and is getting to be happy with the ocasional txt to the prince just seeing how he is .
The princeses is on her way to being happy , its now her last year in school and then she will leave , and start to grow up good and proper and start to plan her trips around the world and start to get the money together she needs to for fill her dreams traveling around!
The princeses misses her prince at times but she knows in her heart she has made the right decision , she hopes that the prince and the princes can still be friends.
And she hopes that the prince wil find his tru tru princeses one day and be very happy with her!
The princeses loved the prince very very much and is just sorry that he couldnt see all the love she held for him !
There is no "the end" to this story as for the Princess this is just the beginning.
One day she met a prince on her travels, he was very kind,very funny , so caring , ever so sweet and wasnt selfish.
The girl young girl was having a very had time at home because her mother and father were arguing and her father had moved out, during the period she felt like she could talk to the prince, she built trust in him, a few months went by and she built a lot of trust in the prince , a few more weeks went past and she started to fall in love with the prince and then knew that she wanted to be his princess .
The prince and the princess spent many happy months together , she loved being with him she felt she could escape homelife, when she was with him she knew that the prince made her so happy.
A few months past and the prince and the princess started grow apart the princess did not no why this was happening she thought it was her fault so she tried her hardest to talk to the prince and to try and connect with him and let him see how much she really did love him but her plan failed and sh felt so rejected, because the prince and princess did not live together they had to meet up when ever they had free time because they were both pritty busy people and both had reponsilbilties, the princes understood why she did not see him as much as she wanted to , and could deal with it because all the love she heled in her hear was for him and no body else and knew that if he could make it to see her that was ok !
The prince and the princess started arguing on a regualar basis about silly pathetic things , one of then was the princeses ex boyfriend when he arranged to meet up with her she told the prince because she kept nothing from him and felt she was doing the right thing by doing this the prince did not approve of this at all , and it caused an argument the princeses told the prince she was very sorry for making him angry and she wouldnt meet the boy who she was going to meet even though she had not seen him in around a year or so and they used to be very very good friends until she left him!
The princeses knew somthing was wrong with hers and the prince's relationship she knew she was losing him, she felt as if she couldnt trust him and that he was cheating on her , the princess had night mares about him cheating on her and she told the prince all about it but he didnt care, the princeses got really sad and lonely all of the princeses friends were happy with there lovers except the princess she talked about it with her friends and they told her it would pass and that the prince loved her. The princeses couldnt sleep and was worrying like crazy about there relationship because she didnt want to loose the prince.
A little more time went by and the princes was so lonely and felt life was not worth living but knew she needed to stay around for her familys sakes!
The prince was having doubt about there relationship to , this started to worry the princees alot and made her ill with worry !
The princeses sat down and knew that she was making the prince un happy , so she came to the very difiicult decsion of letting go of him , she loved the prince so much that she would do anything to make him happy again and if that ment leaving him them so be it !
The princeses woke up one sunday morning in her palace and knew to day had to be the day that she sad goodbye to he true love so they had a chat and came to the conclusion that it was there final goodbye the princeses was very very sad about this and felt she had to leave the prince somthing to remember her by so she wrote the prince a letter and gave him a picture of her when she was a child because the prince and the princeses planeed of being king and queen and having little princeses and prince's of there own one day , so she wanted the prince to put them together and to see what they babies would have looked like !
The princeses didnt sleep at all for weeks , and didnt eat either this was making her ill , her mother became increasily worried about the princess and the mother thought it would be a good idea for the princes to go and see the best concilour in the land , the princess refused this help and told her mother she would deal with on her own , the hole sitation made the princess ill and all she wanted was her prince back but she knew that she had made the disicion in the first place to let go of him.
A few days after they finised the princeses found out somthing which made her even more ill and this was that the prince that one person she had ever really loved had been cheating on her , her heart fell apart as they were on the phone to each other , she didnt hate the prince for what he had done to her , she didnt want to her hurt him , the princes had to much to deal with and was hurting beyound belive right now and she had no one to turn to about it , the princeses began to grow very strong and knew she didnt need any one but her self in her life she didnt need the prince because he had hurt her to much, she didnt need any prince!
The princeses heart has been broken many many time over the last year and her prince had just added to it... the princeses is know moving on , and is getting to be happy with the ocasional txt to the prince just seeing how he is .
The princeses is on her way to being happy , its now her last year in school and then she will leave , and start to grow up good and proper and start to plan her trips around the world and start to get the money together she needs to for fill her dreams traveling around!
The princeses misses her prince at times but she knows in her heart she has made the right decision , she hopes that the prince and the princes can still be friends.
And she hopes that the prince wil find his tru tru princeses one day and be very happy with her!
The princeses loved the prince very very much and is just sorry that he couldnt see all the love she held for him !
There is no "the end" to this story as for the Princess this is just the beginning.
Monday, 3 September 2007
IM SOO EXCITRED , MAKES ME SOOO HAPPY !
WOW WOW WOW WOW this pic makes me get lil butterflies in my stomach ,
WOW
IM JUST SOO FREEEEEEEKIN HAPPY AND EXCITED , THIS IS WHAT IM ACTUALLY LIING FOR NOW , KNOWING THAT ONE DAY , I WILL MAKE ALL OF THIS COME TRUE ONE DAY ON MY OWN , TAKE MY SELF THERE , PAY FOR IT ALL , (y)
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
X
WOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWOW!!!
When ever im down or sad , i just take a look at this picture and look at my future and just lookin at this pic makes me soo happy and gets me so excited , it does this to me just lookin at a pic of the place never mind being there , i cant wait to get there i really , woohoo you dont even no how excited i really am , its all i really talk about when my mates ask me are you goin to uni , there like ohh im sorry i asked cos i just speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel on about it cos im actually in love with the place , over the last few 5-6 weeks ive done alot of research into japan and the drift world!! i want to do so much while im there , ill have to find some nice japaneeeeeeeeeese lad to teach me hopw to drift cos u dnt even no how much i wna learn how to do it , i wont b any gd , just the experience lol
Im sat here with a big smile on my face cos it just makes me soo soo soo soo happy lol! tbh i dont mind if when im 18 no one really wants to come cos my friends arnt like that they would rather chil in stockport of burnage or whereeva there hole lifes and cos to ibiza or i dnoo teneriffe once a year , but i just wna get out of this place and see great things , and i hope when that time comes i have somebody to share it with , someone who feels like the same way as i do about it all , ooh this is gonna b hard :( lol , ohh welll ill just go on my own if no one comes with me !
i love meettin new people , so i hope this is another wkd cahnce to meet new people! id love to see what the nyt lyf is there 2!
my dream is to stay in japan for abit then , how ever long im aloud to stay there , and then move on .......... havnt got a clu where yet!
But i surpose i have to liv for now and face reality first lol
3 more years and i will make my own dreams come tru
i best stop chatin on now cos im gonaa have a party in my pants im soo so soooooo soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo EXCITED WOOOOOHOOO LOL
x
Thursday, 30 August 2007
THINKING BACK ....
All those times he acused me of chaeting and lien 2 him, when he was doing it 2 me :s , a;ways acusing me of something that he was guilty off !!
you no what i should have gone out and done all of those things he said i was doing , cos he was doing it !!!
i might as wel have cheated on him , as much as he acused me of cheating , i might as wel have lied as much as he acused me of lien , i might as wel have gone to the clubs as much as he acused me of cluubin , i might as wel have givein away my love !
I SHOULD HAVE CHEATED !!!!!!!!
Were not een together no more , were just friends but even now im getin acused , even now hes still lien 2 me , when i ask about that abbie girl the one he CHEATED on me with , the gyal i should have knocked ten shades of shit out of , the one hu stole my love !
But you no what i know he gettin back with her cos ive got my sources, i no hes sedning her songs , i no he rang her up begging for her back , im such a fukin mug and a half and yet im stil sat herebeing his friend eeven after hes ripped my heart out wel all i can say is when he gets back with her and she fuks him ova and all that , i hope he regrets it ,cos he wil alredy no where he shud have bin n thats with ME , oh wel when he realises that i will be happy with someone else and all the lads i talk 2 about it or ask if i have a bf the laads that arnt just out for sex but for a relationship , they all say hes an idiot for given u up, tbh i dnt fink there right but alot of ppl have said it 2 me and there like oh wel his loss , if hes like that in the first place , he can and wil b like that again , your gona make some one so happy some day jorja mercedes!!!!
Wel his loss, im never gona b with him again , or be like it was the friendship way , all dead and gone cos hes ruined it !!! ohh well like i say movin on time baby , i just hope he gets happy with sum gyal ! cos i wont let the past ruin or fuk up other relationships im gna have !
That was the end of something speciaal , but the start of something new !
you no what i should have gone out and done all of those things he said i was doing , cos he was doing it !!!
i might as wel have cheated on him , as much as he acused me of cheating , i might as wel have lied as much as he acused me of lien , i might as wel have gone to the clubs as much as he acused me of cluubin , i might as wel have givein away my love !
I SHOULD HAVE CHEATED !!!!!!!!
Were not een together no more , were just friends but even now im getin acused , even now hes still lien 2 me , when i ask about that abbie girl the one he CHEATED on me with , the gyal i should have knocked ten shades of shit out of , the one hu stole my love !
But you no what i know he gettin back with her cos ive got my sources, i no hes sedning her songs , i no he rang her up begging for her back , im such a fukin mug and a half and yet im stil sat herebeing his friend eeven after hes ripped my heart out wel all i can say is when he gets back with her and she fuks him ova and all that , i hope he regrets it ,cos he wil alredy no where he shud have bin n thats with ME , oh wel when he realises that i will be happy with someone else and all the lads i talk 2 about it or ask if i have a bf the laads that arnt just out for sex but for a relationship , they all say hes an idiot for given u up, tbh i dnt fink there right but alot of ppl have said it 2 me and there like oh wel his loss , if hes like that in the first place , he can and wil b like that again , your gona make some one so happy some day jorja mercedes!!!!
Wel his loss, im never gona b with him again , or be like it was the friendship way , all dead and gone cos hes ruined it !!! ohh well like i say movin on time baby , i just hope he gets happy with sum gyal ! cos i wont let the past ruin or fuk up other relationships im gna have !
That was the end of something speciaal , but the start of something new !
IVE CHANGED MY MIND, I DONT LOVE HIM NO MORE (KINDA POEM) LOL, THE GIRL IS ME :(
There's this girl I know, so deep in love ,Do almost anything ,to make him see she's the one ,but he doesn't feel a girl like her ,He's so, so wrapped up ,Cause the average girl , will give him anything he wants!
It's the funniest thing cause I , know how I feel inside ,but you never felt the same as I ,I miss him so much ,I bet you don't even notice ,and he don't even realise
He's so caught up ,He won't call her ,He shows no love ,So she decides!
I changed my mind , I don't love you ,I don't love you no more ,Don't waste my time!
What you thinkin'? When you see me on the corner and you see me hagin' out ,Niggas on the street, don't care what it's all about!
It's the funniest thing cause I , know how I feel inside ,but you never felt the same as I ,I miss him so much ,I bet you don't even notice ,and he don't even realise
He's so caught up ,He won't call her ,He shows no love ,So she decides!
I changed my mind , I don't love you ,I don't love you no more ,Don't waste my time!
What you thinkin'? When you see me on the corner and you see me hagin' out ,Niggas on the street, don't care what it's all about!
Wednesday, 29 August 2007
JEES HAVE I FOUND HIM ?
IM OVER HIM , AND I THINK SOMEONE IS STEALING ME HEART WITHOUT ME EVEN KNOWING , OHH COULD BE ALL THOSE THINGS I WANT HMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Him - so when u look for love wht do u wnt the boi 2 be like
Hussey -( the long list below )
Him- jorja , i sware to u , i will be all of those things and do all of those things 2 make u happy , no one wil eva love u the way i wil and do !
him - Your an amazing girl , one of a kind , like an angel, ur ex is a bloody fool i would give anyfin 2 have bin him , ur really special ur nt like most gyals , i sware on my lyf im not just sayin this , ur bloody amazing!
IS THIS HIM ? THAT BLOODY QUICKLY
JJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES ...... CONFUSED !!!!
HAPPY HUSSEY GYAL !!!!
X
Him - so when u look for love wht do u wnt the boi 2 be like
Hussey -( the long list below )
Him- jorja , i sware to u , i will be all of those things and do all of those things 2 make u happy , no one wil eva love u the way i wil and do !
him - Your an amazing girl , one of a kind , like an angel, ur ex is a bloody fool i would give anyfin 2 have bin him , ur really special ur nt like most gyals , i sware on my lyf im not just sayin this , ur bloody amazing!
IS THIS HIM ? THAT BLOODY QUICKLY
JJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES ...... CONFUSED !!!!
HAPPY HUSSEY GYAL !!!!
X
DEAR MR EX,
I'm sitting lookin' out the window like, damn,Tryna fix the situation thats at hand,You still running through my mind, When I'm knowin' that you shouldn't be,Me I'm on your mind,And I'm knowin' that it couldn't be,Cause you ain't called ,I ain't even apauled, I ain't dealt wit it all,I been runnin' round wit other boys, I'm single and they lovin' it, I'm liking it,But I just want the one that I was in love wit, Thats not the end of it ,I'm tryna let you go, I cant get a grip of it is what ,I'm trynna let you know , You got a hold of some kinda control of me ,
I don't know what it is
But I gotta get you gone from me
I'm working at it
And it ain't getting no better
Just tryna be like
Yea, forget it, whatever
Instead of staring out this glass
Looking at this bad weather
Damn, I gotta pull myself together
I don't know what it is
But I gotta get you gone from me
I'm working at it
And it ain't getting no better
Just tryna be like
Yea, forget it, whatever
Instead of staring out this glass
Looking at this bad weather
Damn, I gotta pull myself together
FIGHT OR GET ON , MOVE ON, LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
ooh jjjeeeees back to him again , what do i do , fight for him to get back with him or just move on and live life and just havin him as a mate !!
I just got in , and ive never seen so many couple in my life , to night everyone seamed to be out with there other half , made me sad, this lad was playin with his girlfriends hands , n kiissin then and stroking them like he used 2 do to me , just made me think , i really want some one who can love me , tbh mayb its a security thing i dnt have a clu , just wish someone would love me , dnoooo lol
Just when i see people out and about together its like ohhhh noo :( i wish it was me , i just want someone to love , to care for , to care for me, to weight on hand and foot lol just someone 2 b there for me jorja mercedes , someone who would take me weird and wonderful places , show me things ive only every dreamt about , someone who could give me the world and i would give them everything in return!
someone who would give somthin up for me , someone who would kiss me in the rain , some one who would defend and fight for me , someone who could love me for me and not anything else , some one who wants 2 sleep together with out having sex , some one who could wisper swet nothings in my ear , someone who could make me smile , make me wet myself laughinh , some one who wouldnt just b my boyfriend but my best friend , someone who shares my dreams , some one who likes everything i do , some one clever, who can teach me wkd fings that ive never known
some one i could trust with my life, someone who would make me safe , some one hu neva wants to let go of me , someone who could look in to my eyes and tell me how he feels about me and out relationship. some one who invited me round just 2 watch big bro or x factor or hollyoaks 2 gether , some one who could hold me when im scared , some one who could understand where im coming from , someone who would come out what ever the weather , rain, snow , shine , haill, some one who could take me on picnics , some one who when i cried wiped my tears
WHERE THE HELL IS HE ,,, FIND ME PLEEASEEEEEEEE , ILL BE WAITING LOL
X
X
I just got in , and ive never seen so many couple in my life , to night everyone seamed to be out with there other half , made me sad, this lad was playin with his girlfriends hands , n kiissin then and stroking them like he used 2 do to me , just made me think , i really want some one who can love me , tbh mayb its a security thing i dnt have a clu , just wish someone would love me , dnoooo lol
Just when i see people out and about together its like ohhhh noo :( i wish it was me , i just want someone to love , to care for , to care for me, to weight on hand and foot lol just someone 2 b there for me jorja mercedes , someone who would take me weird and wonderful places , show me things ive only every dreamt about , someone who could give me the world and i would give them everything in return!
someone who would give somthin up for me , someone who would kiss me in the rain , some one who would defend and fight for me , someone who could love me for me and not anything else , some one who wants 2 sleep together with out having sex , some one who could wisper swet nothings in my ear , someone who could make me smile , make me wet myself laughinh , some one who wouldnt just b my boyfriend but my best friend , someone who shares my dreams , some one who likes everything i do , some one clever, who can teach me wkd fings that ive never known
some one i could trust with my life, someone who would make me safe , some one hu neva wants to let go of me , someone who could look in to my eyes and tell me how he feels about me and out relationship. some one who invited me round just 2 watch big bro or x factor or hollyoaks 2 gether , some one who could hold me when im scared , some one who could understand where im coming from , someone who would come out what ever the weather , rain, snow , shine , haill, some one who could take me on picnics , some one who when i cried wiped my tears
WHERE THE HELL IS HE ,,, FIND ME PLEEASEEEEEEEE , ILL BE WAITING LOL
X
X
Tuesday, 28 August 2007
HMMMMM WEIRDO
ORGASM OR SINGIN ........ SINGIN I REKON LOL ...SINGIN I HOPE LOL ..... SINGIN I NO !!!!!
UPSIDE DOWNER
DEARNT BUT THIS ANYWHERE ELSE HAHAHAHAH I DNT EVEN MEMBER DOIN THIS , BUT I NO IT MDE ME SIK EWWWW LOL ANYHU WAS A WKD NYT FRM WHT ICAN MEMBER LOL ;) X
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NO MORE BOYS JUST ME :D
Its movin on time baby :D
me n him well were friends which is wkd :D ,im really hapy bwt that but i dnt fink it wil help me move on yano still bein friends with him cos
number 1 - im scared of fallin in love with him agen !
number 2 - My dream i had , i will meet him in a few years!
awwww hes bloddy wkd lol, when i was with him i cud let my heair dwn :D i cud say anyfin crazy and he wud catch me ryt b4 i hit the ground! Hes really funny, clever, im not even gona cary on anyhu , i dont need a man 2 make me happy, but i think i do , but i really dont, ive got my girlies , bein single isnt a bad lyf at all , not bin singal in quite a while but the singal life could b a gd one :D ,
i love meetin new ppl , but i cud b new ppl if i wasnt single hmmmmmmmmmmm lol
anyhu at the moment im really happy , im happy hes my friend , im happy that i dnt even no , im just really happy ! Hes a wkd friend , we talk bwt sum of the most radum stuff eva :D take the mik , wel he dus 2 me by calling me peter kay lol
just cos i have a bolton accent aw sumit like that :s
anyhu , im really happy right now , but i dno why . I hope one day when he gets old and looks back on his life i hope he see's that he lost sumit that wud LOVE him like no other. I hope he finds a wkd wife and has the most beautiful children in the hole wide world , well mine will be the beautifulist , his will b the 2nd hehe
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i really cnt wait to grow up have babies , settle dwn and get married , but before i do all of that i cnt wait to LIVE propa cos as soon as i hit 18 im out of ths place , japan,spain,jamcia etc etc here i cum :D i wnt a new job every month and i dont wna stop havin fun and seein great thing , and taking loads of pictures im just soo excited , cos its only 2 years , 6 months and 3 days away :D until im gone wooohoo and hopefully on my jorney i will find the love of my life
woooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :D
Who knows what life holds but i hope its gna b a really gd one , mke up for the shitty childhood!! and i hope hes in my lyf when im older , i hope hes my best friend , the god farther to my babies , my nextdorr neighbour :D
:D :D :D :D
X
X
me n him well were friends which is wkd :D ,im really hapy bwt that but i dnt fink it wil help me move on yano still bein friends with him cos
number 1 - im scared of fallin in love with him agen !
number 2 - My dream i had , i will meet him in a few years!
awwww hes bloddy wkd lol, when i was with him i cud let my heair dwn :D i cud say anyfin crazy and he wud catch me ryt b4 i hit the ground! Hes really funny, clever, im not even gona cary on anyhu , i dont need a man 2 make me happy, but i think i do , but i really dont, ive got my girlies , bein single isnt a bad lyf at all , not bin singal in quite a while but the singal life could b a gd one :D ,
i love meetin new ppl , but i cud b new ppl if i wasnt single hmmmmmmmmmmm lol
anyhu at the moment im really happy , im happy hes my friend , im happy that i dnt even no , im just really happy ! Hes a wkd friend , we talk bwt sum of the most radum stuff eva :D take the mik , wel he dus 2 me by calling me peter kay lol
just cos i have a bolton accent aw sumit like that :s
anyhu , im really happy right now , but i dno why . I hope one day when he gets old and looks back on his life i hope he see's that he lost sumit that wud LOVE him like no other. I hope he finds a wkd wife and has the most beautiful children in the hole wide world , well mine will be the beautifulist , his will b the 2nd hehe
awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww i really cnt wait to grow up have babies , settle dwn and get married , but before i do all of that i cnt wait to LIVE propa cos as soon as i hit 18 im out of ths place , japan,spain,jamcia etc etc here i cum :D i wnt a new job every month and i dont wna stop havin fun and seein great thing , and taking loads of pictures im just soo excited , cos its only 2 years , 6 months and 3 days away :D until im gone wooohoo and hopefully on my jorney i will find the love of my life
woooooooooooohooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :D
Who knows what life holds but i hope its gna b a really gd one , mke up for the shitty childhood!! and i hope hes in my lyf when im older , i hope hes my best friend , the god farther to my babies , my nextdorr neighbour :D
:D :D :D :D
X
X
Saturday, 25 August 2007
omg ive just realised that i love him ,so so much , what the hel am i gona do :( !!
Yes I love him. I love him more than anything else in this world and there is nothing that I would like better than to hold on to him forever. But I know it's not for the best. So no matter how much my heart is going to break, I've got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I'm lucky, he'll come back, but if not, I can make it through this!
I really do wish i could say all of this but i really can't , really , really can't
I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you!
You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.
Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry
I do that :( , i still love him but i don't know what to do , wait and hope it goes away :s , so confused :( !
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.
I wish i could say this to him, over the phone, in person,but he just dosn't really care , really want to know.
I wish he could love me , just a percent of how much i love him because i love him that much even that small percent would be a big bit!
I need to let him go , i wanted to be his wifey , i wanted to be the mother to his children thats all over .
And the search continous for that one special boy,man
Never love anyone the way i love him, never because its impossible.
Life isn't ..... the same , but it goes on.
Mercedes-Hussey-x
I really do wish i could say all of this but i really can't , really , really can't
I'm not supposed to love you, I'm not supposed to care, I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not supposed to wonder where you are or what you do...I'm sorry I can't help myself, I'm in love with you!
You may not love me today, tomorrow, or ever, but I will love you until it kills me, and, even then, you'll be in my heart.
Love is when you shed a tear and still want him, it's when he ignores you and you still love him, it's when he loves another girl but you still smile and say I'm happy for you, when all you really do is cry
I do that :( , i still love him but i don't know what to do , wait and hope it goes away :s , so confused :( !
Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.
I wish i could say this to him, over the phone, in person,but he just dosn't really care , really want to know.
I wish he could love me , just a percent of how much i love him because i love him that much even that small percent would be a big bit!
I need to let him go , i wanted to be his wifey , i wanted to be the mother to his children thats all over .
And the search continous for that one special boy,man
Never love anyone the way i love him, never because its impossible.
Life isn't ..... the same , but it goes on.
Mercedes-Hussey-x
APPARANTLY IM THAT GIRL, I FEEL , THINK , ALL OF THOSE THINGS HIS LOSS EY, SO THEY SAY!
To every girl who
dresses CUTE
not SKANKY.
To every girl who
wants to be called BEAUTIFUL
not HOT
To every girl...
that will spend her
whole day looking
for the perfect present for YOU.
To every girl who...
gets her heart BROKEN,
because he chose
that stupid BITCH instead .
To every girl...
that would DIE
to have a DECENT boyfriend.
To every girl who...
would JUST ONCE
like to be treated like a PRINCESS!
To every girl...
that cries at night
because of another HEARTBREAK
To every girl...
that WON'T get
down on her knees && open
her mouth just to get a BOYFRIEND
To every girl...
that just wants to HOLD HANDS
To every girl
that KISSES him with meaning.
To every girl who...
just wishes he CARED MORE
To every girl who...
would JUST ONCE
want a guy to give their
JACKET UP when they are cold.
To every girl who...
just wants him to call.
to hear I LOVE YOU
To every girl who...
lies awake at night THINKING about HIM
To every girl...
that just wants to CUDDLE.
To every girl that.....
just wants to sleep with
him without HAVING SEX
To every girl that....
shows how much she CARES
and gets NOTHING BACK..
To every girl that...
thought "maybe this
one could be "THE ONE."
To every girl that...
laughs at stupid stuff when she actually
>>DOESN'T<< think it is FUNNY.
To every girl who....
is just looking for that ONE and ONLY.
and is having a ROUGH TIME along the way.
To every girl that...
DOESN'T want a guy who just PLAYS with her
EMOTIONS but actually CARES about how she feels.
To every girl who...
wants words BACKED UP with actions.
To every girl that..
fell for all the LIES
only to find themselves ALONE in the END.
To every girl that...
gave her HEART
away to have it shoved back in her FACE.
To every girl that...
has faith that
"TOMORROW will be a better day."
And it will be.
dresses CUTE
not SKANKY.
To every girl who
wants to be called BEAUTIFUL
not HOT
To every girl...
that will spend her
whole day looking
for the perfect present for YOU.
To every girl who...
gets her heart BROKEN,
because he chose
that stupid BITCH instead .
To every girl...
that would DIE
to have a DECENT boyfriend.
To every girl who...
would JUST ONCE
like to be treated like a PRINCESS!
To every girl...
that cries at night
because of another HEARTBREAK
To every girl...
that WON'T get
down on her knees && open
her mouth just to get a BOYFRIEND
To every girl...
that just wants to HOLD HANDS
To every girl
that KISSES him with meaning.
To every girl who...
just wishes he CARED MORE
To every girl who...
would JUST ONCE
want a guy to give their
JACKET UP when they are cold.
To every girl who...
just wants him to call.
to hear I LOVE YOU
To every girl who...
lies awake at night THINKING about HIM
To every girl...
that just wants to CUDDLE.
To every girl that.....
just wants to sleep with
him without HAVING SEX
To every girl that....
shows how much she CARES
and gets NOTHING BACK..
To every girl that...
thought "maybe this
one could be "THE ONE."
To every girl that...
laughs at stupid stuff when she actually
>>DOESN'T<< think it is FUNNY.
To every girl who....
is just looking for that ONE and ONLY.
and is having a ROUGH TIME along the way.
To every girl that...
DOESN'T want a guy who just PLAYS with her
EMOTIONS but actually CARES about how she feels.
To every girl who...
wants words BACKED UP with actions.
To every girl that..
fell for all the LIES
only to find themselves ALONE in the END.
To every girl that...
gave her HEART
away to have it shoved back in her FACE.
To every girl that...
has faith that
"TOMORROW will be a better day."
And it will be.
Monday, 20 August 2007
TH3 LAST ON3 .......
Omdz im stuck in bloody limbo right know and its so hard to right my feelings down cos i no HES WATCHING ME .... so im gettin a new blog :D lol
i thinkk .... tbh i dnt even no im so confused right now , i want him back but theres not a chance in a million gaziilion years, i really do need 2 move on dont i
yep i think i stil do love him, i mis him so much , so much , so bloody much lol
i miss the lil things he dus 2 me , the lil things he says , the way he smiles at me , i miss lookin into those big blue eyes of is, but im just going 2 have 2 deal wiv it the way i deal wiv everything else , i no theese feelings will pas in tym.
i no they will
he taught me so much , so so so so much , im so lucky i had a chnace wiv him tbh :D so lucky, hu eva gets him next will b a luky luky gyal , very luky !!!
i no your reading this right now but you shoudnt be lol
but here you go sumit 4 ya , and yes i do stil love u :( :( :(
When i think back on theese times and the dreams we left behind, im glad because i was bless to get , to have you in my life, :D,
when i look back on theese days i look and see your face , you were right there for me .
In my dreams i'll always see u sore across the sky , in my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life , i'll keep a part of you with me and every where i am there you'll be :D
I ALWAYS WILL REMEMBER THE STRENGHTH U GAVE 2 ME !YOUR LOVE MADE ME MAKE IT THROUGH I OH SO MUCH TO BECAUSE YOU WERE RIGHT THERE FOR ME !
I cant help but love u and im sorry , it wil pass in a tym , few days few weeks,few months mayb , but right now , right this second, im very much so still love u :( :( :(
my last blog i am writing , and i am making a new one
tatarrr
x
x
x
i thinkk .... tbh i dnt even no im so confused right now , i want him back but theres not a chance in a million gaziilion years, i really do need 2 move on dont i
yep i think i stil do love him, i mis him so much , so much , so bloody much lol
i miss the lil things he dus 2 me , the lil things he says , the way he smiles at me , i miss lookin into those big blue eyes of is, but im just going 2 have 2 deal wiv it the way i deal wiv everything else , i no theese feelings will pas in tym.
i no they will
he taught me so much , so so so so much , im so lucky i had a chnace wiv him tbh :D so lucky, hu eva gets him next will b a luky luky gyal , very luky !!!
i no your reading this right now but you shoudnt be lol
but here you go sumit 4 ya , and yes i do stil love u :( :( :(
When i think back on theese times and the dreams we left behind, im glad because i was bless to get , to have you in my life, :D,
when i look back on theese days i look and see your face , you were right there for me .
In my dreams i'll always see u sore across the sky , in my heart there will always be a place for you for all my life , i'll keep a part of you with me and every where i am there you'll be :D
I ALWAYS WILL REMEMBER THE STRENGHTH U GAVE 2 ME !YOUR LOVE MADE ME MAKE IT THROUGH I OH SO MUCH TO BECAUSE YOU WERE RIGHT THERE FOR ME !
I cant help but love u and im sorry , it wil pass in a tym , few days few weeks,few months mayb , but right now , right this second, im very much so still love u :( :( :(
my last blog i am writing , and i am making a new one
tatarrr
x
x
x
Sunday, 19 August 2007
AM I STUPID !!!
Wel jeeess this lad im talking to him , on the fone , tetxting , msn like back in the day befoere we went out , im tryna get on wiv lyf ,i dont hold grudjess and i wont start now , my best mate is callin me daft but tbh i wud love 2 her in my poistion and what she would do and what she would have done. i dont think i lopve him anymore , i think all the felings have gone , they have been ruuined etc
but am i bein a nob talking to him , i dont feel any hate wht so eva towards him , he made a mistake, we all make mistakes , but this time his mistake cost him sumthin tbh i dont no wht that is 2 him.
But now im tryna get on, it was a week 2 day , is that 2 soon 2 b moving on ? i dnt wnt 2 b miserbable ova him ,cos wht is the point , there isnt one , yes he has hurt me , yes he had fuked up my trust issues i have alredy , yes he has broken my heart, but live goes on , i have soo many things to look forward to in live and im 15 , there r gna b other people i fall in love wiv , there are gna b other boys that i think omg this is the one , and mayb i wil feel the same as i am feelin now iv everyone of them after we finsh, i have 6 years left until i finsh skwl . coledge and uni and start 2 go travelling wel 7 years cos im think im taking a year out , (lazy ggyal i no lol )
maybe he is the one , was the one , i wiil neva no now , but im zure i will find that one or that one will find me , I HOPE ,
i had a dream about him the other night and i told him about it , was about us re-meeting in 10 years and i hasd babies etc and we were best friends etc
i think it made him a lil sad but tbh i dno why but anyhu i realy cant w8 to have a baby i really cant , im so excited , i think i will have 2 give in sometime soon mayb when i have finshed my gcse's or a-levels , im ready to have ababy hehe I REALLY CNT W8, wohooo hehe lol maybe with the next boyfriend :D ifhes luky noo if im luky lol
my sleeping is getin better, my eating is the same , wel im drinking now lol ,,,
im gettin ova him i fink , just the eating bit think that wil the stya the same for a bit.
wel im going in to hopital next week , i think lol i wasnt listening to the dates
so il update :D
x
x
x
but am i bein a nob talking to him , i dont feel any hate wht so eva towards him , he made a mistake, we all make mistakes , but this time his mistake cost him sumthin tbh i dont no wht that is 2 him.
But now im tryna get on, it was a week 2 day , is that 2 soon 2 b moving on ? i dnt wnt 2 b miserbable ova him ,cos wht is the point , there isnt one , yes he has hurt me , yes he had fuked up my trust issues i have alredy , yes he has broken my heart, but live goes on , i have soo many things to look forward to in live and im 15 , there r gna b other people i fall in love wiv , there are gna b other boys that i think omg this is the one , and mayb i wil feel the same as i am feelin now iv everyone of them after we finsh, i have 6 years left until i finsh skwl . coledge and uni and start 2 go travelling wel 7 years cos im think im taking a year out , (lazy ggyal i no lol )
maybe he is the one , was the one , i wiil neva no now , but im zure i will find that one or that one will find me , I HOPE ,
i had a dream about him the other night and i told him about it , was about us re-meeting in 10 years and i hasd babies etc and we were best friends etc
i think it made him a lil sad but tbh i dno why but anyhu i realy cant w8 to have a baby i really cant , im so excited , i think i will have 2 give in sometime soon mayb when i have finshed my gcse's or a-levels , im ready to have ababy hehe I REALLY CNT W8, wohooo hehe lol maybe with the next boyfriend :D ifhes luky noo if im luky lol
my sleeping is getin better, my eating is the same , wel im drinking now lol ,,,
im gettin ova him i fink , just the eating bit think that wil the stya the same for a bit.
wel im going in to hopital next week , i think lol i wasnt listening to the dates
so il update :D
x
x
x
Friday, 17 August 2007
WHY , WHY , WHY ME ???:( (u)
Why me ey
just found out that boy , that one person hu ive eva really loved and trusted has been cheating on me , i dno how to feel , ive been in this situation before but i was madly in love wiv him if u no wht i mean , the one person in the world i thought i cud trust now i trust no one, but the fing is i sed 2 him tym and tym agen
if ur gna cheat on me or feell the need 2 FINSH ME FIRST and i sed it tym and tym agen , and i told him last week that i was havin dreams about him cheating on me and hahah u no wht he sed 2 me , YOU MUST VE FEELING GUILTY ABOUT SUMTHING,
i was gd 2 him yano , i dint look at others boys while we was out 2 gether , i dint stand there and chek them out , i neva lied 2 him and neva eva eva dreamed of cheating in him, soo why me ? :( , i was there for him when he needed me
and i cant cum 2 terms that he has actually dun this 2 me , but its weird cos im really really angry at the gyal hu he slept wiv soo angry, even though she dint no he had a gyal friend i want to go round and hurt her , i really wna beat her up , but thats nt like me really im not that kind of person , but i no my emotions wil chnage dramaticllay over the next few days , one day i may nt care , one day i myt wnt 2 kil her , myt one 2 kil him , bujt when ppl ask me about it they like why havnt u beat him up or gna round and at least smaked him in the face :s :s
and i realy really dont no y i havnt dun that alredy i really dont !!!!
aparntly its unnatural not tp go round and kill them both !!!
and the thing that hurts me most is that when he fed me all the bullshit about y he was unhappy , he gave me hope for the futar sayin when things can b diff we cud get bak 2 gether but he was lien 2 me , he neva loved me , i was just there yanoo , hes full of shit , hes nt the person i fort he was , i dont no whats happend 2 him
i just really really cant belive he has dun this 2 me , i just about sleep , but when it cums 2 eatin im starvin but i cnt eat anyhu finks thats umit rong wiv inside of me
i dont want 2 falll in love agen because that person , i loved with deart live lied 2 me cheated on me and all the rest he has dun , i wna b alone for a bit i fink , n sort out skwl and col and that ,
cant w8 2 go traveelin when im older i really cant :D finks its gna b , ireland first , then spain , carabein, japan 2 b honet i dnoo lol , but i will finnsiish of in ireland :D
i shud just take this in my stride and learn from it but its hard
TIME IS A HEALER
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just found out that boy , that one person hu ive eva really loved and trusted has been cheating on me , i dno how to feel , ive been in this situation before but i was madly in love wiv him if u no wht i mean , the one person in the world i thought i cud trust now i trust no one, but the fing is i sed 2 him tym and tym agen
if ur gna cheat on me or feell the need 2 FINSH ME FIRST and i sed it tym and tym agen , and i told him last week that i was havin dreams about him cheating on me and hahah u no wht he sed 2 me , YOU MUST VE FEELING GUILTY ABOUT SUMTHING,
i was gd 2 him yano , i dint look at others boys while we was out 2 gether , i dint stand there and chek them out , i neva lied 2 him and neva eva eva dreamed of cheating in him, soo why me ? :( , i was there for him when he needed me
and i cant cum 2 terms that he has actually dun this 2 me , but its weird cos im really really angry at the gyal hu he slept wiv soo angry, even though she dint no he had a gyal friend i want to go round and hurt her , i really wna beat her up , but thats nt like me really im not that kind of person , but i no my emotions wil chnage dramaticllay over the next few days , one day i may nt care , one day i myt wnt 2 kil her , myt one 2 kil him , bujt when ppl ask me about it they like why havnt u beat him up or gna round and at least smaked him in the face :s :s
and i realy really dont no y i havnt dun that alredy i really dont !!!!
aparntly its unnatural not tp go round and kill them both !!!
and the thing that hurts me most is that when he fed me all the bullshit about y he was unhappy , he gave me hope for the futar sayin when things can b diff we cud get bak 2 gether but he was lien 2 me , he neva loved me , i was just there yanoo , hes full of shit , hes nt the person i fort he was , i dont no whats happend 2 him
i just really really cant belive he has dun this 2 me , i just about sleep , but when it cums 2 eatin im starvin but i cnt eat anyhu finks thats umit rong wiv inside of me
i dont want 2 falll in love agen because that person , i loved with deart live lied 2 me cheated on me and all the rest he has dun , i wna b alone for a bit i fink , n sort out skwl and col and that ,
cant w8 2 go traveelin when im older i really cant :D finks its gna b , ireland first , then spain , carabein, japan 2 b honet i dnoo lol , but i will finnsiish of in ireland :D
i shud just take this in my stride and learn from it but its hard
TIME IS A HEALER
X
Monday, 13 August 2007
THE 3ND OF SOM3THING SP3CIAL
yesterday was the worse day for me when me and my boyfriend split up , neither of us wanted it 2 happen but it had 2 happen , he loved me but the situation we were in was making him miserable and i loved him that much i would do anything to make him happy al over again even if that ment it would make me unhappy, and its making me miserable right now , i carnt sleep , eat i cant get my mind straight on anything and knowing i have just lost that one thing i have ever truly loved kills me !!!
Me and him had our lives planned 2 gther and i feel no asif thats all gone and im gna have 2 plan out my life all over agen but on my own, i cant see my self being with anyone but him, i really cant i dont want anyone but him and im gonna b single for a long time to come cos i dont wany anyone else!
last nyt was my first nyt alone without him , i could sleep i sat up all nyt in my bed wishing thigs were differnt ,telling myself i will get over him in tym, its been a day and im already feelin the way i do , i dnt wnt 2 feel like this for months to come,he was my holeworld what am i gona do without him !
everytime i get a txt i jump up and hope 2 god its him tellin me he made a mistake but its either a m8 askin if i wana cum out or go out clubin 4 a bit but i dnt wna do all that stuff , he got sum kinda control of me!
i feel asif my heart as been pulled out , im heartbroken but i hope in tym missing him and the pain i am feelling ryt now will fade, but my love for him wil neva fade ,
makes me cry when eva i think about the places he took me and the fings we did the things we talked about,
if i wud have nown that last kiss would have been our last kiss i wud have neva stopped kissing him , if i wud have known the last tym that i held his hand wud have been the last tym i wud neva have let go !
i love him soo much there are no words , i felt complete with him , i felt there was no one else for me he made me fell things i have neva felt in my life!
THIS WAS TRUE LOVE
AND I CANT LET GO OF IT
I MIS HIM
I LOVE HIM
XOXOXOXOOOX
Me and him had our lives planned 2 gther and i feel no asif thats all gone and im gna have 2 plan out my life all over agen but on my own, i cant see my self being with anyone but him, i really cant i dont want anyone but him and im gonna b single for a long time to come cos i dont wany anyone else!
last nyt was my first nyt alone without him , i could sleep i sat up all nyt in my bed wishing thigs were differnt ,telling myself i will get over him in tym, its been a day and im already feelin the way i do , i dnt wnt 2 feel like this for months to come,he was my holeworld what am i gona do without him !
everytime i get a txt i jump up and hope 2 god its him tellin me he made a mistake but its either a m8 askin if i wana cum out or go out clubin 4 a bit but i dnt wna do all that stuff , he got sum kinda control of me!
i feel asif my heart as been pulled out , im heartbroken but i hope in tym missing him and the pain i am feelling ryt now will fade, but my love for him wil neva fade ,
makes me cry when eva i think about the places he took me and the fings we did the things we talked about,
if i wud have nown that last kiss would have been our last kiss i wud have neva stopped kissing him , if i wud have known the last tym that i held his hand wud have been the last tym i wud neva have let go !
i love him soo much there are no words , i felt complete with him , i felt there was no one else for me he made me fell things i have neva felt in my life!
THIS WAS TRUE LOVE
AND I CANT LET GO OF IT
I MIS HIM
I LOVE HIM
XOXOXOXOOOX
Wednesday, 18 July 2007
My
L O V E
Well theres this lad, ive been with him for a good few months now but seams like i have known him forever, yeah we have our ups and downs like any 2 have. Hes like the one i live my life for , hes my reason and my world :D. really really dont know what i would do without him, and i hope i never will have go without him, just one dose of him hes got me addicted :D hehe . but my m8s , they say hes gonna hurt u just wait and see but narraah cos i am ,what he wants his girl, and i love him :D .
He's so good and he knows how to love me , and hes so heavy in the streets my big g :D and hes my dude :D so they better get used 2 things (Y)
I really carnt leave him alone, every waking minute hes on my mind and even when im asleep im dreaming of him, im madly in love with this boy , and i want to be with him for ever, and people can see to all they want about how im young and theres going to be other lad wel they can all just do 1 because i have found MY tru love that one .
i couldnt breath if he ever said he would leave, id get on knees till they bloddy wrecked.
i can never feel alone with him,i loose my thought lookin in his eyes
his kisses me ,my lips quiffa and when he holds me i feel safer than i ever could be like no one could hurt me, hes like a drug he relives my pain , may seam strange.
I could sit here for years and right all the things he does to make me feel so happy and that make me feel the way i feel.
all i know is that i love him with everything i have, all this love in my heart is for HIM !!!
I LOVE U
L O V E
Well theres this lad, ive been with him for a good few months now but seams like i have known him forever, yeah we have our ups and downs like any 2 have. Hes like the one i live my life for , hes my reason and my world :D. really really dont know what i would do without him, and i hope i never will have go without him, just one dose of him hes got me addicted :D hehe . but my m8s , they say hes gonna hurt u just wait and see but narraah cos i am ,what he wants his girl, and i love him :D .
He's so good and he knows how to love me , and hes so heavy in the streets my big g :D and hes my dude :D so they better get used 2 things (Y)
I really carnt leave him alone, every waking minute hes on my mind and even when im asleep im dreaming of him, im madly in love with this boy , and i want to be with him for ever, and people can see to all they want about how im young and theres going to be other lad wel they can all just do 1 because i have found MY tru love that one .
i couldnt breath if he ever said he would leave, id get on knees till they bloddy wrecked.
i can never feel alone with him,i loose my thought lookin in his eyes
his kisses me ,my lips quiffa and when he holds me i feel safer than i ever could be like no one could hurt me, hes like a drug he relives my pain , may seam strange.
I could sit here for years and right all the things he does to make me feel so happy and that make me feel the way i feel.
all i know is that i love him with everything i have, all this love in my heart is for HIM !!!
I LOVE U
What a State !!!!!
TOOK PIC DWN 2 EMBARSSIN
OWW lordy wht a fukin state .. what a mess .. after a gd cry this is me ...
i dont care any more what i look like in theese pics :D ..but jesus what a mess hahaha
was a really good night though when i stopeed cryin :d :d :d haahaha
apprantly on the way i home i did this 2 my hair <<<< ... piked a flower of a bush and put it in 2 my bush and wrapped my belt around my hed ... wht a fukin mong hahahah
and appreantly i tried 2 have a wee in sum ones garden and i was scremin for an ambulance cos ma m8 had fallen ova and hit her hed ... we were walkin for an hour in the pitch bloody black i dnt even no where we where but i fell aslepp on some curb :D and then i was bendin ova on an eletrical box i dnt memba that .. and i smashed my hed of a lamp post when i was tryna sing a song 2 out davidth , i tried piken sum big bolder up i dnt memba doin that at all .. i dnt memba a big chunk of it either ...and i also got one boob out to show my gay m8 that my boobs where bigger than his hahah what a foool :D .. wel it was a wkd night n il b doin that agen sum tym this week :d :d :d wooohooo
OWW lordy wht a fukin state .. what a mess .. after a gd cry this is me ...
i dont care any more what i look like in theese pics :D ..but jesus what a mess hahaha
was a really good night though when i stopeed cryin :d :d :d haahaha
apprantly on the way i home i did this 2 my hair <<<< ... piked a flower of a bush and put it in 2 my bush and wrapped my belt around my hed ... wht a fukin mong hahahah
and appreantly i tried 2 have a wee in sum ones garden and i was scremin for an ambulance cos ma m8 had fallen ova and hit her hed ... we were walkin for an hour in the pitch bloody black i dnt even no where we where but i fell aslepp on some curb :D and then i was bendin ova on an eletrical box i dnt memba that .. and i smashed my hed of a lamp post when i was tryna sing a song 2 out davidth , i tried piken sum big bolder up i dnt memba doin that at all .. i dnt memba a big chunk of it either ...and i also got one boob out to show my gay m8 that my boobs where bigger than his hahah what a foool :D .. wel it was a wkd night n il b doin that agen sum tym this week :d :d :d wooohooo
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
WAITEN 4 MONEY COS I CUDNT GET HOME AND WAS STIL A BIT FUKED COS HAD 1/4 BOTTLE OF BAILEYS 4 MY BREKIE :D WOHOO ... ALKI I NO :D XXXX
Some Of The Gyals !
Just a lil group of the gyals , it was surposed 2 b just a pic of me but ohh no they have 2 get in there wiv me cos they crnt look gd wiv out me hahahah jokals i wish . x x
M3 N DAVIDDTH AFT3R A F3W :D
fancy a maffers burgerrr hahah ROFL ROFL ...
im an O.A.P ORANAGE AND PROUD (y) WOOOHOO
ME TAKIN ADVANTAGE OFF A TIPSY DAVVIDTHH X X X X
M3 N JOSHI3
ME N JOSHI3 CAMERA TIME :D :D ...
LOVE DIS GUY.. HES MY DAVVVIIIIIDDTHH IM HIS MAFFFERRRSS :D :D X
:D:D :D ...
Brain Freeze,,,,Salt In The Mouth x x
ME N JOSSHIE!!!!!!! WHT A PIC , JOSH HAS JUST LIKED THE SALT OF THE SIDE , N I FINK I HAD A BRAIN FREZZE COS I WAS DRINKIN A LOAD OF DRINKS AT ONCE , SILLY GYAL I NO !!!
M3 & TH3 GAY JOKALS XX
ME N JOSSHIE!!!!!!! WHT A PIC , JOSH HAS JUST LIKED THE SALT OF THE SIDE , N I FINK I HAD A BRAIN FREZZE COS I WAS DRINKIN A LOAD OF DRINKS AT ONCE , SILLY GYAL I NO !!!
Saturday, 14 July 2007
CLAZZ CLOWN :( XX
I dont even care what i look like in theese pics just that it was a mint day :D :D and a sad one :( i love all my friends :D x
x
Friday, 13 July 2007
BI BI DAGAN :'( :'(
this is dagan the lad thats up and left me after a year ... he used 2 buully me but i used 2 bully he him bak just as mucch ... theres 2 much 2 say bwt him .. just that he made me smille.. giggle and when we were goin frew the same fing as each other and i was dwn he made me giggle ...he mc'd wiv me and he sed stupid things that made me laff my bum bum ooff ... i gave him advice and he gave me sum he took the piss i took the miss ...
im gna mis u dagan dont 4 get me .. cos i wont 4 get u :( :( :( lovve uu , miss u xxxxx
HUSS3YZ LAST 3VA DAY IN Y3AR 10 :(:(:(
wel 2 day we broke up for summa .. mixed emotions day i was happy iwas leavin but sad cos i wasnt gna see all my m8s for a ling tym (2 mummf)and a m8 of mine dagan left 2 day.. we had out ups and downs .. but more ups than downs and im going to miss him :( hes movin 2 dubbaii :( its weird cos like i kno i wnt see him agen he was just a chapter in my lyf ... weird how u can meet sum one and then they disapearr :( ... wel 2 day was the last day me and liilie brought our cam in and took loads of pics ... hehe ... at 12 i sed goodbye to all of my friends cos most of them r goin away 4 most of da hols ... had a lil cry wiv dagan told him i wud miss him tld him neva 2 4 get me cos i wnt 4 get him he criedd bless himm ... after al that emotional comotion ... me erin lillie and autumn went 2 town .. we went shoopin had sum funni pics taken and we all got sumit 2 wear 4 goin owt on the twn on mon nyt ... so we got sum clothes and that ... 2 much 2 say .. just was a mint dayy .. :D :D :D HURR R SUM PICCYYS :D
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Wednesday, 4 July 2007
M3 AND TH3 MISS3S XX
Ussss 22 wifess just chillin it up ... one mornin gettina drink gettin bolllaked bi big m 4 bein in there WHAT A LOAD hahahah p.j
love ma sis xx
M3 AND TH3 LOO LIVIN IT UP XX
Dont even ask ... they fort it wud b funnii 2 take a pic like thiss
mee just cheekin if the looo smeellss nice :s hahah lmao
u had 2 b there 2 kno wht im talkin bwt hahah
TH3 WIF3 TH3 SISTA,TH3 CHIICK WIV DA SAM3 NOS3 XX
This gyall jeeeeeeees theres 2 much 2 say i love her so much when im dwn she lifs me bak up .. best friend and ma sista... reppinn da hhgs lol .... so many funi tyms and soo many more 2 cum ... nuff lv 2 her xxxxx
THE WIFES THE SISTAS THE 3 CRAZY CHICKS X
Awww wel where do i start wiv theese 2 i just love them soo much such gd m8s soo many funi tymms.. me and alishhaa just bully grace but she finds it halirous ... if sum one gives us shit one of us will sort it if u kno wht i meen say like sum one was callin me alishha wud sort it owt and if sum one was callin lishha i wud sort t owt we dnt bother wiv grace cos everyone iss callin her lmao narr jokin ... were always fytin graces batttlles... tutut byt we given her the whole speech bwt u gta stick uo 4 ur self more cos were nt gna b hurr 4 ya her hole lyf but we wil cos were gna b friends till there end ... DA LOO IS DA PLACE 2 B WHEN UR CHILLIN WIV THIS CREW lmao p.j
when one of us is down were all dwn ... cos iit reflects on the group cos werre all so close awww there ma sistas i neva had love them soo mucchh ... xxxxxxxxx
3 CRAZY CHICKS .. XXXX
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