Wisdom

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

EY I

Im Grraaannnddd =]
Forgetting The Post That Was Wrriten, Lifes Wiicked And I Have A New Job =]
& I Love It , I Think Its Grand.
Love My Daveee =]

Festival =]

Arrrr i had such a great day to day , went to some big festival it was so much fun =]
i met so many new people , i talked to people who i wouldnt have dreamed of talking to
i laughed and drank with people who were like 10 and more years older than me =]
i was bought drinks by stangers =]
The dancers were amamzing =] , and the music was wiicked =]
the artist were wiicked and the whole thing was wicked i just really enjoyed myself it was so good
theres one on 2mos i really wanna go back
well the one next year and my plan is to start at 1pm and leave at 4 am =]
yesss mattteee =] hehe
Im going to leeds for the day for the festival in auguest as well which im excited about and gonna go eearly to try and buy a ticked outside of it =] just for the day tho =]
should be a good laugh
im going camping this year aswell to shell island with mates
and im off to portugal for 3 weeks in the summer which im looking forward to
may find my pedro there haha ;)
i have a job interview soon =] which im excited about
lifes good man =]
just get theese exams over with and get to college =]
i have made a list of ' things to do this summer 08' with some of the most radomist things ever to do on it , and i have to complete them by the end of summer , so thats my challenge , one of them is like planting flowers :s
skinny dipping :s there get even more randommmerr ahah =]
yeahh so life for hussnuss is allllll goooooood =] enjoying it to =]
Peeaacccccccceeeeeeeeeee =]

I'll Be Fine

Im finding the stress a challenge right now, thing just getting on top of me...
Teachers are worrying me ... there surposed to be the grown ups , them worrying is worrying me.
P.e is getting me down , i cant seam to get the flow of blood right in the heart, nor the back bones and vertabre column arr =[
Today has been an ok day, the weather is great at the momemnt im loving it =]
The great weather calls for a water fight 2 mos wooho =]
This weekend hmmm , friday calls for a few releving drinks with my loves
and then rest of the weekend is revising
i cant wait for this to be over...
The things thats getting me at the moment is the fact peeople are counting down the days untill we leave and everytime i hear it , my heart sinks.
i dont want to leave theese people are my world , and 15% of them i probs wont see again ..=[
Moving schools was the best decsion i have ever made but yet the hardest....
I can say for once , im actually happy right now
all i can do is my best and I WILL NOT let anyone or anything get in the way of this... this is what i need and what i seriously want...
Peace
x

Today.. May

Well today has been a busy day shopping eveywhere for prom dresses. Today i feel better than yesterday id say not sure why .. i finally bought my dreess after much hunting around ... the one i had my heart set on i could have because my friend bought it before me and we cant wear the same dress...
So atleast my dress is sorted and my shoes... just make up , tan and jewelry and my hair =]
A week and abit and i leave school =[
im sad and dont really want to leave , ill miss it so much , i dont even want to grow up but il have too =[
The thought of college scares me =[ but hopfully the prom will make things better and make me relise ill do anything to keep in contact with the people who have been there for me through so much.
I best crack on with revising 2mos cos well theese exams are close.
Peeeaaacccceee
x

9/3/08

Not wrote on here for a while.. god life is boring at the moment i need something excitting to come running into my life so i can go and chase it.
love life is shit .. and bloody hell i miss him. Adam that to. is. i didnt think it would be this hard to move on and get in to another relationship etc i dont want that but if i did i no i would find it soo hard. this situation makes me so sad and hes always windin me up about me having boyfriends and what i with boys which is nothing =[ i wish he would stop because its hurtful =[ i miss him, i miss him so much its untrue. i no one day soon he will get a new girl and god im dreading that day i realy am. =[... i can t seam to pick myself up and move on maybe its because i dont want to.
i no that i dont have another chance with him but thats dosnt seam to get through into my head. i miss his hugs , his kisses, his smile =[.
i no i should just pick my self up and stop being stupid but god its hard.
Hes all i need, but he just dosnt want to no,
he makes it alright when hes around.
he is all i think about i thought we could work it out.
Well im off to spain soon for a week and abit,im not even looking forward to it, i should tho its costs a bloddy enough.
i cant afford to go to leeds which im gutted about =[ i have 290 but need that for spain.
im either goin to portugal or ireland for a month in the summer to work which i wanna do but il miss adam. but hmm surpose its gota be done. thats might help me, i hope so.
anywho ive got things to do , =[=[
Lattterrs
x

=( =(

Just when i thought it was going so well i had gotton over adam and was startin a fresh, i love talking to him cos in my eyes yeah we have a laugh and i enjoy it, but then i saw him it wasnt even for long like 20 mins when he gave me a ride one day after a night out, and it hit me how much i had missed him and that smile of his wel its enough to turn ur heart upside down, i gave it a thought for a few days and we talked more and more i think he enjoyed the company talkin 2 me maybe im not sure, over the time i was talking 2 him and all those feelings came flooding back , i was dreaming about him and when i was talking 2 him i was wishin he would pik up the fone just so i could hear his voice for a lil while.

Time went bi and i told him i miss him . which i did so much. He was my world he really was and ive never loved anyone the way i loved him i apsolutly adored him i looked up 2 him, and he was the special person that was in my life.

One night he had , had a few drinks and was fallin aslepp , and as i was puttin the fone dowm 2 day goodbye he said I LOVE YOU, i could not sleep that night thinking omg that wasnt for me and all that and so i asked him and it wasnt and he couldnt member saying it but when he sed it my heart it stopped and i thinki had to gasp for air , sounds silly but it scared me .

well just a few days ago i called ben , adam , and it wasnt the first time =(
This is when i knew something was rong and i had to think bout what was going on in my head. i came to realise that i had never stopped loving adam and that even tho he hurt me beyond belive and that the heart break always hurts i stil loved him .

Most girls affter a load had done somthing like that 2 them they would have been like ooh f off n all that but not me , i sat talkin 2 him the nights his i dno what to call her ill cal her his gf for now , was tretin him like shit, i sat there listing to him tellin me how much he loved her, that caved me in , that seriously fuked me up , i was the one who got fucked off when he was with her =( i was the one who had been cheated on , who had been pregnant and been fuked off by him , i was the one who was living in hell a place i called home, i was the one who was there for him , i gave him advice not that he eva toook , i was there for him and always wil be.

now i told him howi felt and well didnt go down 2 well , i no i shudnt have sed anything 2 him but wel i cudnt help it , i no he is goin through alot with abbie and what not and i no he loves no one but her still , i no we wil nevr be ever agen , yeahh i no all that , i no people judge me for talkin 2 him textin him but i am who i am at the end of the day and if i choose to do that then i shud shudnt i ?


Just feels like i have runined everything ,i sed to him maybe we shud leave It a few days and just not talk for a bit whiile i sort my head out and all that and try and get rid of theese felling i have or him , and yet agen im sure i can do it.


Thats all for now id say , exams are going alright ,feels like ive constantly got my head stook in a book revising... well after theese exams is gna b about me mayb dno yet and it xmas aswell =(


This year as been the worst year of my life, i hope next year 2 to be a happier one.

My Idea Of A True Boyfriend , Wish I Got Treated Like This;;

a true boyfriend:


when she walks away from you mad

[ Follow her ]



When she stare's at your mouth

[ Kiss her ]




When she pushes you or hit's you

[ Grab her and dont let go ]





When she start's cursing at you

[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]




When she's quiet

[ Ask her whats wrong ]





When she ignore's you

[ Give her your attention ]




When she pull's away

[ Pull her back ]




When you see her at her worst

[ Tell her she's beautiful ]




When you see her start crying

[Just hold her and dont say a word ]




When you see her walking

[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]





When she's scared

[ Protect her ]





When she lay's her head on your shoulder

[ Tilt her head up and kiss her ]





When she steal's your favorite hat or sweater

[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]





When she tease's you

[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]





When she doesnt answer for a long time

[ reassure her that everything is okay ]





When she look's at you with doubt

[ Back yourself up ]





When she say's that she like's you

[ she really does more than you could understand ]





When she grab's at your hands

[ Hold her's and play with her fingers ]




When she bump's into you

[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]





When she tell's you a secret

[ keep it safe and untold ]




When she looks at you in your eyes

[ dont look away until she does ]





When she misses you

[ she's hurting inside ]




When you break her heart

[ *the pain never really goes away*]




When she says its over

[ she still wants you to be hers ]





When she repost this bulletin

[ she wants you to read it ]







- Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.



- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go



- When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her



- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you



- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her



- Call her before you sleep and after you wake up



- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.



- Tease her and let her tease you back.



- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.



- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.



- Give her the world.



- Let her wear your clothes.



- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.



- Let her know she's important.



- Kiss her in the pouring rain.



- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;

"Who's ass am I kicking babe?"

HAHAH I TRIED 2 BE CLEVER (y)

Heres another pic he scanned for me and sent me and i took it , cos hes like sum big time photograhier guy ,wel he likes to think that haha ,jokin , hes stuying it now in col , cos hes like 1 year older than me anyway , i took it cos he showed me how to try and get bla bla bla , sum technicle words anyhu , this is a crappy pic i took but it makes me smile cos we had so much fun , wooohhooooo

first Love (*)

Im sooooo happpy , this lad i met on holiday in spain like 2 and half years ago , has found me , woohoo , through bebo , and he sent me a picture of us , hes the art farty kinda guy , dead in to his photograpy and all that and he scanned this picture for me and told me that he really did love me , in those 2 weeks he fel but then we lost touch when his mum and dad finshed i dont no what happned really his name was barney bless him and we were god about 13..14 maybe he was huge tho , as in taller , for his age , anyway i call this picture FIRST LOVE because he was my first love and its such a shame we lost conntact , ive never forgotton him though , :D X

wel tomorrow is the big day :(

Tommooorrow well i take the pill and the lil thing inside me dies

i will misscary on wednesday :( im soo scared the amount of pain i am gonaa be in is gna be immencee

my auntie told my mum shes takin me 2 cardiff to see my cousin in uni

but im goin 2 the hopsital to get it all sorted

then it wil be all over

:(

im not gna talk about it with anyone after its all done , and if any one mentions it ill just have to change the convo cos i no ill break down cryin

next time i right on this ill b all alone again

i never felt alone for the past few weeks because i wasnt on my own , i had my baby with me

ive gt a really strong feelin it would have been a boy !!!!!


wel me and my baby are saying goodbye i no this sounds soo stupid but to night will kinda be my last night with it inside me and i no its not properly grown into a baby yet , buts its my baby and im just gna have 2 tel it how sorry i am , i no ..thinkin im a a crazy lady talkin 2 my tummy , but its the only way i feel , even tho it cant hear me , its weird , its just somethin i have to do yano

x

I Really Am Very Much So In Love ...

Im in love , i never thought i would feel the way i used to again but hes amamzing beyond belive , hes everyfin i want , everyfin i need , my cheeks hurt because he makes me smile so much , weve have such a gd time , we talk about weird things its funny, thing people dont normally talk about ,

althought my hard is still crippled from the last heart break and the pain he caused me , i closed all doors to lad who wanted to no me , i said no , but now u no when u feel something is so right , you no you have so much in common , you share the same dreams , and how they could love you like no other , i have this feeling when eva i see him i get a funny feling , i start to go dizzy hehe , and my friends are like jorja i dont want you to get heartbroken again , is it not to sooon , wel its been 3- 4 months since me and adam finshed and i dont feel for him anymore , but im in love again , i dont care what they say even tho they try and pull me away , i will give this one a try , i will treat him better than i treated adam because ovb the way i treated him just wasnt enough , if i could give him the world then i will , because my heart is his now , i love him x x

Im Pregnant , mixed emotions!!

Im 15 , im having a baby , there is a lil tiny baby growing inside of me, the first person i told was my autie she has been so good to me its actually unbelivable ! my mum dusnt no yet , just a few close friends , ive known for about a week or so , its been running around in my head wondering weather to keep it , the dad wants me to keep it , but im having dounts but right now i am going to keep it and im due for my first scan errm thinks its a week on thrusdat not to sure may b 2 weeks hehe.

i asked myself do i want a baby with some one i am not in love with , but its a baby a new life a lil me :D he said he would take care of me , and wouldnt leave me on my own , he said when im old enough we could get a house etc , but its like hes putting all theese ideas in my head ,like everythins is going to be ok , i no deep down in my heart things wont be alright!


i have feelins for this one person which i want and need them to go and die , i cant keep theese feelins and look at the situation and wish this baby was his can i , no thats y i need to let go and i have told him soo i dnoo lol he hasnt sed anyfin !


i no im soo frikin young and i no this is the worst year for me , but at the end of the day its happend . and i will live with the consequences , which will be a lil baby child



I justr need to find a way to break the news to the rest of my familyy , they cant do much , its my baby , im being quite level headed about the situation!


2 day is the 22 of oct all of the aboe was wrote on the 9 th , i was at the doctors on friday mornin and i was sat in the waiting room scared and the daddy walked in and sat down , held me hand and told me everyfin will be ok , i walked into the room where the doctor was and she asked me if i had made a decision yet i said no , i lay on the bed and she put sum jelly on my tummy hehe and she told me to look at the screen , and there my baby was inside of me , i could see it , it was amamzing , i cried and asked myself culd i really kill my own child , my own beautiful baby , so now its just the 2 off us , the first time i saw it on the screen i new id meet death but i let it meat harm, but killing it , that wud b harming it , neva nowin what colur hair it had , what it smile wud b like , waether or not we would have the same laugh same smile , i sat there in a world of my own for a few minutes , wondering what to do , a week this thurday im going back , she said she think i will need cousilling if i were to have an abortion , she explaine to me how hard it would be to bring up a child on my own and i no how hard it wud b , my dreams wud be over before they have even begun, when i next go back , and i think i wil except , she will give me a pill which will make me miss carry , in two days , ive got my friends around me right now to help me they all , wel the ones hu no , hows my lil nephew doing , and put theere hed against my tummy hehe , one of my mates wanted to go and by clothes that when i told her i may not b kepping it and she cried and sed but jorja not a day goes by when u dont talk about havin a baby , i say i no but this is differnt im actully pregnant right now !!!!! well probs the next time i right on this is will be just me again , not me and the lil one , i will have to face its dad when this is all over and done with i wil have to face him probs giveing me a black eye , i no this is selfish but i need my lyf , i need it to find out what kind of person i am , in time i will be ready to have a baby with the perfect one for me and we would all be a family , witha nice house , money , and right now all i have it £250 quid , that wudnt even last me a month neva mind me and a lil one ...

i feel im doin the right thing , god help me and give me the strenghth to get throught this hurt full , confussing pain fulll time

i love my baby , even tho i have neva met it , i love it right now more than lyf its self
x
x
x

Im so unhappy , im so miserbale i really can not see my self ever feelling happyness agen ,
i feel so sorry for my dad but he had brought it on himself ! he chose the single life and wanted to life that way so yano people tell me i shouldnt feel sorry for him , i no this sounds a we bit silly , but no matter how much sum one hurts me , i can not bring my self to hurt them bak , i hate , hate , hate hurtin people with a passion sso i make sure i dont . i miss him soo much , soo much , i wish he cud see hw much i am hurtin al the damage he has caused and hw he has chnaged my life for the worst but he dusnt no and cant see , maybe because he dosnt want to see but i wish with all my heart he cud see me , the me which is yurnin for a dad to be there for me to tell me life will b ok , to tell me that boys will cum and go they will hurt me , hug me , love me etc but he will neva let go of me , but he wont he wil neva b able to say those words to me! i dream on a another him one hu wud neva , leave me alone to pick up the peices :( i carry the wait of the world on my shoulder

WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO :(


DAUGHTER TO FARTHER :(

I MISS YOU SOO FRIIKIN MUCHH DADDDDY

DAADDY TO HOLE ME THATS WHT I NEEDED


I DONT NO U , BUT I STILL WANT TO .



i sat up last night cryin and i dont no y the hell i was , my life is a complete and utter mess ,



i will finshh later have sum things to say bwt adam the ex :(







x

OMG I AM ACTUALLY GNA B PUT ON ANTI DEPRESSANTS GRR :@

You no what yeah this is not normal in a girl of my age

why the hel am i so fukin unhappy , this year i have just been so down , ill , depreesed , everything n people who have only knowin me for this year i bewt they think i am a right arshole grumpy hole , but this year i have just bin a whole new person n tbh i dont think any one hu new the ins and outs of what i have bin through wud blame me at all,



finsihh 2 mos , im shatterd (N)